Have you ever been defeated so much by someone's comment or body language that you just wanted to give up? There are very few times when I have ever let someone's comment or body language get to me. But, I guess with the exhaustion of the week and my emotions running a little wild, I just couldn't fight it very well.

Friday was a very difficult day for me. I had to run into town early in the morning and get Elizabeth checked out by the doctor. I thought she was being bit by some kind of bug, but to my surprise, she has chicken pox. I was caught off guard with that one! The doctor was kind enough to look at Erin's arm for me and tell me she was ok. Then we went to the school to drop Erin off. While there, I tracked down Emily and traded cars with her. I discovered that her brakes were very, very bad. My Dad offered to look at them and change them if we needed. I then ran to the store to buy a new tie for Sam (wrong color the first time). After that, I ran to my parents and had Dad check brakes. THey were very bad, so we ran back to the store and bought pads. The car was not in my plans. We were having my in-laws and a friend come to the Homecoming festivities for Erin, so I wanted to make them something special to eat. THey love my stromboli, so that is what I wanted to make for them. THe problem was, stromboli takes a good 3 hours. I didn't make it back to my house until 1:30 (I expected them sometime after 4:00). The next 3 hours, I worked very hard to cook 4 strombolis, a roast, apple crisp, and a salad. I tried hard to straighten the house and get it nice for them. I managed to complete everything I needed to do just as thtey pulled up. I was so thrilled. I hadn't even had time to shower or pick out an outfit for the game, but I was so excited to be able to feed them something special.

You see, managing the upkeep of this house with 6 kids is not easy. I can manage keeping it straightened, but deep cleaning doesn't happen all that often. Our schedule is a nightmere and managing it is even harder. I often have 4-5 loads of laundry ready to wash or fold at any moment's time. After the kids leave for school, our house is usually a wreck. Trying to do preschool and clean and shop and everything is hard. I don't do a great job. Our house is lived in. There are marker and crayon on my walls, there are holes in the wall where pictures onces were but have since fallen from a ball or 2 that have hit it (or holes in the wall from a teenager who visited and ran his body into the wall). There are dust bunnies under furniture and collected dust on many shelves. There are fingerprints adn paw prints on my doors and windows. Often, I look over a cup sitting on the ground or a fork that fell. The garage is dirty because of the collection of things sitting there to give away or throw away or because there is no better place for it. THe dogs are in and out, often tearing up paper or trash. There are letters (magnetic) all over my fridge (and floor), pictures that aren't elegant - simply my kids artwork. Curtains are not hung in our dining room because I washed them several months ago and the curtain rod fell. I just haven't taken time to hang the rod back up because the screw is striped and I can't get it on. You see, these things need to be done, but for me, it is far more important to make sure that I am there for the kids. Unfortuantely, only one of our kids has truly learned how to clean without us getting on their case. The others are learning and I trust that one day will have it. Until then, I have a house that would not be nominated for Better Homes and Gardens.

Sure, I could stop all that i do and clean, but honestly.... being a part of my kids lives and activies means more to me. Making sure that I have been there for them is more important then washing my walls only to have them destroyed again. And if you come to my house, I will open my heart and my arms for you to come, but I can't guarantee that the floor will be swept nor the walls washed down.

So,.. when our ocmpnay arrived on Friday, I was thrilled to provide them dinner. It wasn't fancy, but I truly had poured my heart into it. Unfortunately, noone was very hungry and very little was eaten. Our friend was so uncomfortable in our house that it broke my heart. Their home is spotless. They have no children at home anymore and are a perfectionist at cleaning. I think walking into our home sent shivers up their back. I had worked very hard to make the house presentable, but it wasn't spic and span. I just didn't have time to fit it all in.

Well, I accepted that as simply a judgment from someone who has never had a knack at being nonjudgmental. I love them anyways. But, the next evening, I made it to 2 homes for pictures. Both have kids, both have spotless, beautiful homes. Both crushed me. They both had beautiful, spotless furniture, walls that are perfect, pictures that match, and not a dust bunny anywhere!! How can that be??? :(

So, by Sunday, I was defeated and began hating everything there was about our home. Mark reminded me about how truly rich we are as he pulled me into a room to watch Elizabeth and Ri playing. He reminded me of the things that are important and that one day, I'll be able to keep it nice. He also reminded me of Jesus and what Jesus might think of my thoughts and my disgust with our home. He reminded me that Jesus smiles at other things besides a clean home.

Well, I am still pretty defeated at the dirt that lies behind my doors and under my furniture and on my desk and...... But, I realize that, unfortunately, that is how it is. We have too many feet and paws coming and going that have accumulated too much dirt from the soccer field and the woods for me to truly keep up. Life is hectic..... but, as my husband has reminded me.... life is good.