This time of year is a precious time for me. I love the month long focus on the birth of Christ. Our Pastor has had some amazing messages this month which have really given me a fresh and new way of reading about the birth of my savior.

This year, things have been kind of crazy with Erin's surgeries. Nothing has been our "normal" holiday or break. But before I go into anything, I had some wonderful news on Sam that I wanted to share. For the past 2 years, Sam has really been focusing on the military. He has a goal to attend West Point or the Naval Academy. It is a very high goal, but one he is very serious about. Sam has faced so much rejection and disappointments that it has been hard for me at times to watch. West Point has a Summer Leaders Seminar that juniors can apply to attend. Not everyone is accepted into the Seminar. It is a wonderful way for a young man or woman to be able to experience West Point. 50% of the candidates who are accepted to the Summer Leaders Seminar are invited to attend West Point. Of those 50%, 45% accept the invitation. Sam just received an invitation to attend the Seminar. He was very, very excited. We are very proud of him and are praying that he can go forward with receiving a senators nomination, pass the physical, and have everything in place to be accepted into West Point. We also are hoping that he can do the same for the Naval Academy as he begins to narrow down and figure out what God's plan is for his life.

As for Erin, the shoulder surgery has not been an easy one! In fact, it has been very hard to watch. She was in more pain then I have ever seen her in. For 3 days, the oxycodone (a very strong pain medicine) did not touch the pain. I think much of the problem is that she can not adjust her body to be comfortable simply because her right leg is in a brace and she can not move easily....even to sit down or move back in a seat. She has slept in a recliner (nearly straight up) for 5 days. Yesterday was the first day that I finally saw a light at the end of this tunnel. For the first time, she ranked her pain at a 4. For the first 3 days, the pain never went below an 8. There were 2 nights when I watched tears streaming down her cheeks because the pain was so intense. For me, that was very difficult. Erin has a higher tolerance of pain then anyone I know. For her to cry, killed me.

Elizabeth, Ri, Erin and I all spent the first night at my in-laws. My brother and his family had been with us. The night before surgery, my neice spent all night throwing up. I made a decision not to take Erin back to our house. If the flu was there, I couldn't risk Erin getting it. I couldn't imagine having the stomach flu at the same time of recovering from shoulder surgery! The first night, I was up with Erin until around 3:00am. She finally fell asleep. At 4:00am, Elizabeth woke me up and was restless for a good hour and a half and then began telling me her belly hurt. I wanted to cry! I was avoiding the flu, and all of a sudden I imagined Elizabeth had it (though she had had it 2 weeks earlier). By 9:00am, her belly didn't hurt anymore and she was totally fine the rest of the day! But I had only had a couple of hours of sleep (if that). By that evening, I was exhausted and not happy with the fact that Ri and Elizabeth were with me. Mark came to take them home, but Elizabeth was clingy and crying not to leave. I was angry, but gave in and told her that wasn't allowed to wake me up. She agreed. Emily and the boys came and planned on taking the little ones to the zoo that night to see the lights. But Sam couldn't get there until 7:30. By the time they would have gotten to the zoo, it would have been near closing. Emily begged Elizabeth to come home with her. We tried everything to get her to go, but she wouldn't budge. I gave in again, but wasn't thrilled about it. I couldn't figure out why she was having such a hard time leaving me. She was more then willing to go to the zoo with Emily and go home with her after the zoo, but once the zoo was out of the picture, she was not about to go home with anyone.

So, when it was time for bed, I laid with her in the bed until she fell asleep. She was fine and happy. I went into the room Erin was in and crawled into bed. I was just laying there watching Erin in pain. My mother-in-law was in the room that Elizabeth was in and heard her making noises. She got up and checked on her and thought she was having a nightmere. She came in and told me. I got up and went to comfort her only to find her body trembling all over and her limbs stiffened. She was having a seizure! I couldn't believe it. It had been over 2 years since her last seizure. I grabbed her and held her close to me while Mamaw got a cool wash cloth. She felt a little warm but not much. Her teeth were clenched and her lips trembling as if she was freezing. The rest of her body trembled and shook. She curled up against my body in a fetal position and continued for a good 5 mintues or so. I kept talking to her and rubbing down her head with the wash cloth. We took her temp under the arm and it was only 99.1. It took a few minutes for her to come to enough to start crying "mommy". By the time she opened her eyes a little, her temp was over 101. under the arm. I didn't take it by mouth because she couldn't stop grinding her teeth. Her body continued to shake off and on for the next 20 minutes or so (not in a seizure, but just jerking off and on). We called Emily (who had left only 20 minutes earlier - can you imagine if she had actually gone with Emily?). We asked her to come back with meds and to be with Erin so that I could be with Elizabeth all night. I couldn't have Elizabeth in the same room as Erin, not knowing what was causing the fever. By the morning, Elizabeth was totally fine, no fever and no indications of sickness of any kind.

All I could do was say "God has a funny sense of humor". And then recognize my selfishness and bitterness. I am so thankful that she had insisted on staying with me! If Mark had taken her, she would have had a seizure while in bed and Mark would have never heard her (not that that is a bad thing.... but it might have been very difficult for Mark to have found her in the middle of the seizure). If Emily and been able to take them to the zoo, she might have had a seizure at the zoo. If she had taken her home, she WOULD have had the seizure in the car while Emily was driving.

So... as I have written over and over.... never a dull moment at the Miller home!!!

Hello to everyone. Sorry for the lack of updates...again. ONce again, as if this is news to you, my life has been taken over and things are crazy. Emily and Erin both made it home last week. Emily left school early so that she could be with Papaw for his surgery. He had come major surgery and she wanted to see him before he went under. He did GREAT and has blown all of us away with his recovery! Both Erin and Emily hit major snow storms on their trip home. But both arrived home without any problems (just much later then expected). Emily got home and ended up in bed for 2-3 days with a horrible cold; I suspect more from exhaustion then anything else.

Erin got home in the evening and we were at the orthopedic center by 6:00 the next morning. She had her first surgery that morning and we were home again by 10:00am. The surgery went well. The doctor said she needs to stop tearing her meniscus (with a huge smile on his face - knowing that there is no way of stopping her nor stopping a tear from happening). Evidently she doesn't have much meniscus left. If she keeps tearing it, she is looking at arthritis setting in. As for the patella tendonosis, he said her knee was in pretty bad shape. He went in and cleaned it up. He said she did well and he seemed happy with the surgery. I am praying that it relieves her pain. She is in a brace that nearly covers her whole leg. She is on crutches, but has to be off them by Wednesday in order to be allowed to have her shoulder surgery. Today is the first day she has put any weight on it. She is feeling ok, but hesitant to push it so quickly today. She plans on trying to walk some without crutches tomorrow.

She is not going back to Houghton for the Spring Semester. Instead, she is going to take online courses at Columbus State and then transfer back to Houghton in the fall. There just isn't way she can manage everything; physical therapy, showers, and more surgery. We did alot of thinking and came to the conclusion that she would be better being here. After experiencing the surgery and watching her, I am confident that we made the right choice. I asked the doctor what he thought and he assured me that we had made the right decision.

Well, I am very busy right now. My niece and nephew are here with us. We are heading out the door soon.

Five years ago, in October, we received this picture of our little girl:



Five years, on December 5th, our little girl was placed in our arms. This is a video of that day (the first 5 mintues are of Elizabeth's gotcha day. The 2nd half is Ri's.


This is our first family picture:











Five years ago, our family was in China. We were sharing our first days with our daughter, Elizabeth. She was 10 1/2 months old. On December 5, 2005, she became our child. It was an amazing day for all of us. Our life has been more fulfilled and much more blessed because of her. I can hardly believe that 5 years have gone buy already.

We have watched her grow leaps and bounds. It is so hard to describe all the changes that we have seen in her. I wish I could put it all into words. Our little girl is growing up. Once, a little girl who became terrified when I left the room... is now jumping up and down as she waits to step onto a bus and wave goodbye to me. She still shuts down with strangers and visits her own little place when she is apprehensive about things... but oh how much she has grown and developed! She is full of life. Her imagination is amazing; often grabbing a stuffed animal or a toy figurine and carrying on an entire conversation. She loves to play with animals though she is beginning to let go of the stuffed animals and is now focusing on littlest pet shop figurines. I even caught her playing with a Mulan Barbie doll. Wow - now that is a change! She still enjoys the leapster and will sit through ANY cartoon I let her. If I do not monitor her TV time, she would sit there all day. She is discovering the joy of having friends and has excitedly announced with whom she will marry. She has asked over and over if she can marry Kyle (from school) because he says that she is her girlfriend and he is her boyfriend. Wow - never thought I would have to have the "boyfriend" conversation at the age of 5!!!! So, I have shared with her the rules of dating (not allowed until you are 16) and the fact she can not date/marry someone who does not know Jesus (of which she went straight to school and asked Kyle if he knows Jesus). It may be a long road that we face.... filled with lots of boys chasing my girl (and, as I am beginning to discover - filled with lots of boys that she may be chasing as well!).

As for her health, we are truly blessed. We have discovered what I knew was possible. I thought about the day we recieved the referral and how we prayed for a healthy little girl. I remember thinking that we would at least know that she was healthy but always be reminded that anything could happen and that we would love her despite any health issues. But I knew that she was a "healthy" child and not a special needs child. I was happy about that.

But God has a way of reminding me that HE is in control and He has a plan. I originally didn't want to adopt a special needs child because I wanted a healthy child. But it never set well with me. I kept thinking that at any time, my children who were born healthy could end up with some disease or some injury that could effect them forever. I felt guilty for wanting a healthy child (just like I felt guilty praying for a healthy child during pregnancy and even saying "I don't care if it is a boy or girl, just healthy". What... what would I have done if one of my kids had not been "healthy" when they were born? Would I have loved them less? Oh the silly and stupid things we say at times.

Well, Elizabeth has ended up to be our special needs child. And there is not one thing about her that bothers me or makes me love her any less. I am so thankful for her and for the lessons God teaches me through her life.

Well, I am realizing that I am rambling on and on. I praise God for my little girl and for choosing us to be her family. We are blessed beyond words.

I would post pictures, but I am having a hard time finding my camera that I use to transfer my pictures onto the computer. When I do, I will post.

It has been awhile since I last posted. Thanksgiving has come and gone. The girls have both been home and are back in school. We thoroughly enjoyed having them home with us again. Our house is full of life when they are around. Mark and I are still learning to adjust to the coming and going of the older 2. We don't get a lot of time with the entire family together anymore. Even when we do, the dynamics are different. I think there was only one night when we had all of us together and even during that one night, Erin's boyfriend shared it with us. We didn't mind, though. He is a wonderful young man who treats all of the kids well. We all enjoy him. Even though it was only one night, it was one of the best I can remember.

We spent Thanksgiving with Mark's family. It was such a nice day. I love spending a day with the entire family around. My parents always travel to Florida for Thanksgiving. Both my brother and sister live there. It has been nice because Mark and I don't have to worry about which family we spend which holiday with. It has been very easy on us.

News on the kids.... Well.. when Emily was home, she raised up and hit her head on a shelf. Evidentally she hit it very hard. That was on Saturday night. Sunday, she spent as much time as she could sleeping. SHe had a horrible headache and a very tender head to the touch. We all felt it was just from the hit. Sleeping really isn't something we concern ourselves with. Emily and Erin are both power-nappers. Monday, she had planned on leaving for school. She was excited to spend the morning with me. She woke up around 8:00 to say goodbye to the kids. Then she laid down on the couch. The entire morning, she slept. I was a bit concerned, but felt if she was that tired, she needed to sleep (especially since she would be driving nearly 8 hours). She kept waking up and telling me she was sorry, but she was just so tired. He head was still in a great deal of pain, but she insisted it was just because of hitting it on the shelf. At noon, I said goodbye. By 1:30, she was calling me telling me that she didn't know what was wrong but she was fighting with all she had to stay awake. She stopped and got caffeine. She was stopping by a friends an 2 hours, I was relieved because I knew she could rest there or they could take her to urgent care or something. Long story short... she struggled staying awake for the entire drive, got to school safely and went to bed. She failed to tell me that she was dizzy, nauseous, and shaking a LOT more then usual (she told me she was shaking). The next day, she called me from the nurses office. The nurse wanted her to go to the ER. Once again, Mark and I were faced with decisions to be made 8 hours from our daughter. The doctor was not in, but called and told the nurse to just let her rest one more day. In the meantime, the nurse was very insistent that she would advice considering the ER, but the doctor was the boss. Em's roommate called and told me that she couldn't walk up stairs without holding onto something and when she laid down, her legs shook uncontrollably. Her head was throbbing, there was a "mushy" spot behind her ear and it was swollen, and she felt as if she was going to throw up all the time. So... a dilemma! Do we go with the doctor who said wait (but never saw her) or with the nurse and the scared roommate? So I called my doctor and got his advice. His was to send her to the ER. So we did. She went through a CAT scan and the conclusion was: concussion. So the first doctor was right... rest and sleep it off. As of yesterday, all symptoms were the same. She isn't any better, but she isn't any worse. I am so thankful that we know for sure there is no bleeding internally. I am so thankful that the next semester is her final one at BBC!

As for Erin... well.. that is another story. They won their game in Indiana. We LOVED watching her play. She did an amazing job. She scored the first goal in a very, very tough game. They made it to Nationals and traveled to Alabama. She was able to come home (Emily picked her up). We met the team in Ohio and put her on the bus to Alabama. They played their first game Tuesday. It was very exciting. We were able to listen to it. Due to technical difficulties, the video was not working. She gave it all she had (the team did too), but they lost by one. My heart ached for her! Our team dominated nearly the entire game... but that is how it falls sometimes. Anyway... they headed back to Houghton Tuesday night but stopped in Louisville Ky for sleep. I was able to make an appointment with the doctor for her knees. We have been trying to see him for the past month. If we couldn't get her in then, we would have to wait until Dec 29th just for the evaluation. Then we would have to try to fit things in before she went back to school. As it panned out, it was a huge blessing for her to be able to be seen yesterday. I met the bus on an exit near our home and grabbed her. It worked out perfectly. We saw the doctor and found out that she has a torn meniscus (again) so she is facing surgery in that knee. But ... worse and far more complicated.. is the issue she has in both knees. She has patella tendonosis in both! Normally, the doctor would take platelets our of Erin's blood and inject them into the tendons in hopes to promote healing. But.. Erin's are in or near the "severe" case. The doctor came in with a smile on his face and said "do you want to see the MRI?". Then as we walked out of the room, he looked at another patient and said "these are fugly". I guess he was excited because they were cool to look at. He showed us were the tendons have huge amounts of scarring from tears. Behind the patella, there should be a completely empty black space (between the patella and the tendons. In Erin's case, the first couple of views are black, but as he began to rotate the knee (on the MRI), the completely black spot began to show white "hairlike" images. As he further moved, the entire spot began to fill up with the image. It was that way in both knees. He looked at me and said "she isn't faking it, mom". She is in A LOT of pain. He confirmed it all! So... the answer isn't simple or even at the point of trying the injections. The answer is to make in incision in the front of the knee, cut the tendons, go behind them and scrape it clean, bleed the patella (I guess the bleeding helps for healing of the tendons), then sew the tendons back up and then be in a straight leg brace for 1 month and therapy for about 6 months total.

Well, did you catch that she will be in a straight leg brace for 1 month? And did you catch that this is in both knees? And did you catch that it is a 6 month recovery period? Well.. with soccer and school... we are on a pretty tight schedule. AND.. if you remember, she has to have her shoulder worked on. Let's talk about crutches and a shoulder that is completely immobile?! This will get tricky! But what a blessing that we can get it figured out and started now.. and before the shoulder surgery (otherwise she wouldn't be able to use crutches for the first 4-5 days that he wants her on it.

So, at this point, here is the plan: Surgery on the meniscus tear and the incision to repair the tendonosis of the same knee on December 16th (if he can schedule it then and she can get out of her final exam for that date. That will give her 6 days of being able to use the crutches before her shoulder surgery. At that point, she will have surgery to repair the shoulder and will be in a sling (unable to use that arm at all) for 6 weeks or so (total recover - 4 months). She will be home and will not have to return back to school until the 10th of January. She will go back in a brace and will have to deal with her room on the 3rd floor (elevator not working) and the ice and snow of Houghton (carrying books). If she hadn't been seen yesterday, she would not have that long break at home to recover at least a partial amount before having to face all that. 2 months after the first surgery (sometime in February), he wants to repair the 2nd knee. That means a trip back home and send her back to school dealing with a great deal of discomfort and facing the same thing. He has to wait 2 months so that the first knee can heal enough to be able to deal with supporting her body with the other knee in a straight leg brace.

And all this needs to be done so that by soccer season next year, she can be ready (as ready as possible) to play. The doctor is amazing. He is the doctor that works on the knee of the CREW soccer team. So we hate to have anyone else work on her. It will just not be a lot of fun for her. It may mean we run into issues with her being in New York, but I think the doctor will work with us as much as possible. So.. prayer is the only thing I can think of. Please pray for her body, her surgeries, her healing.

Erin ended up taking my van back to school. She is only there 2 weeks before coming home for Christmas break. It seemed the most logical choice in order to get her to be able to see the doctor yesterday. But.. when she began heading back, there were snow storms that the entire route seemed to be bracing for. It was snowing as she left. Time wise, she would be traveling through Erie at the exact time they were expecting 4-8 inches of snow. And... she would be doing it alone... at night. It was a stressful night for us. But God is faithful. I had a lot of people praying for her. She never faced any real amounts of snow and only ended up adding an extra 1/2 hour-45 minutes to her trip due to traveling at a slower rate. God is so faithful. I am confident He will be faithful with her surgeries as well.

If you are at all interested in watching Erin playing soccer, you will have an opportunity on Saturday!!!

The big game is coming up! Saturday, Erin's team will begin competition in the national tournament. 32 teams will battle to go to Alabama. Houghton will compete against Indiana Wesleyan University (ranked #8) at 2:00 at IWU's campus. Mark and I are planning to go. We won't be able to make it to Alabama if they make it that far, but we can at least try to make it to this one. For many of you, you have heard me talk about Erin and soccer, but have never had a chance to watch her play. Evidentally, the game will be televised via the IWU website. Here is the link:
http://www.dakstats.com/WebSync/Pages/Webcasts.aspx?association=10&StartGameDay=11/19/2010&EndGameDay=12/2/2010&tab=3#WSO_anchor
(I think!) If you can't get it that way, then just go to www.indwes.edu and click on athletics and then find women's soccer and eventually you will find it. Erin was told that there is no cost to this telecast. If they make it to Alabama, you can watch her live but it will cost $10.00/game or $25.00/for the whole tournament.

If you do chose to watch Saturday, she is #10 and is a midfielder.

Here is a link to an exciting game in the qualifying tournament (Erin scored the winning goal):
http://athletics.houghton.edu/news/2010/11/13/WSOC_1113100650.aspx?path=wsoc





I took these pictures from the Houghton Website. I believe the copyright belongs to Mike Wise. His website with all the pictures from the Houghton Games is: http://mikewise07.smugmug.com/Houghton-College-Soccer/2010Women

I hate it when God works on me with 2x4's. I recently found myself in a position that lead me to some serious assumptions. Before I knew it, I began assuming that my assumptions were right and all of a sudden, my "mama bear" instincts kicked in. God, very quickly, revealed to me some serious character flaws. I really do hate be humbled. The only good thing is that I refuse (at least for now) to make any assumptions anymore. Never assume anything. There are way too many times when things appear one way simply because we can't see the whole picture. And to make things worse, our own biases nearly always will cause us to see things in the wrong light.

As for life around here.., it is pretty crazy. I have watched unjustness occur, or at least my perception of unjust actions towards one of my kids. Thus.. the mama bear. I have battled wills with teenagers and head strong kindergartners; trying to figure out what is the best response to help train my kids. And now I am struggling with some things that are going on in our community. Serious things that have shook me at my core. Fear has begun to set in and despite my knowledge and faith in God... I'm finding myself looking around every corner and wondering about the worst things that could happen. Oh.. I know about trusting in God. But right now I am feeling uneasiness; once again shaking my thoughts about blogging.

As for the health of my kids. They are doing great. Ri's surgery has been moved to January. Erin's surgery is December 22. This one is for her shoulder. We jsut found out that her knees are not in good shape. The MRI report indicates some "relatively complicated" things. It isn't a simple fix and will require at least 6 months recovery. She is facing 4 months after her shoulder surgery. The doctor has only seen the report; not the actual films from it.. so he can't really make an accurate diagnosis just yet. We will know more as soon as we can get her back home again. In the meantime, she is in a lot of pain, but playing through intense games. Houghton just became the AMC Conference Champions and have advanced to the top 32 teams competing for the National Title. The teams all compete this Saturday. If they win, they will be in the sweet 16. That begins November 29th in Alabama. Erin wants to make it to the nationals badly. I am just praying that her body holds out. She is in some serious pain.

Emily just met with an advisor at BBC regarding an apprenticeship/intern program at Skyview. For the first time in her life, I think Emily knows... for sure...what her call is. She is consumed by camping. God took her experience at Skyview to change her from the inside out. Her thoughts are focused completely on camp. So.. she is planning on taking 18 credits this next semester so that she can begin at Skyview in the fall of next year. She will spend a year as an intern and then will finish her senior year online. She will graduate with a focus on camp ministry and will seek a position in a camp. She is so excited that she can hardly stand it. It is an answer to prayer. Far more then I ever realized. As I sit and type this, I realize that during the summer... when I was praying fervantly... I had prayed about Emily having an opportunity to stay at Skyview and that God would miraculously provide in ways that I couldn't imagine. I honestly didn't think...at the time... that God would answer a prayer about finances. I couldn't imagine any scholarships available nor any other way of Emily being able to meet the finances for school. But I kept praying about. And... to my complete shock.. he has answered it in ways far beyond anything I ever dreamt! By being an intern, Emily instantly removes room and board. And by taking online courses her senior year, she will not have to pay for room and board and the cost of online is much less expensive then course on campus.

So.. when I speak of the fear I spoke of above... all I need to do is remember how God answers prayer and it is in that moment that I am filled with peace. I just wish I could remember that continually!

For the first time in a very long time, we had our entire family back together. It was wonderful! It was kind of a last minute thing. We decided to have Erin's surgery in Ohio rather then New York. Because of that, we had to get her to Ohio to have a doctor evaluate her so that we could schedule an appointment. Instead of us traveling to New York and back twice in 3 days, Emily offered to go get Erin and come home as well. It was a blessing. Emily has made it back to Ohio 3 times in the past 3 weeks. It was quite a sacrifice for her to make the long trip again. We were very grateful!

After seeing the doctor for her shoulder, we saw a different doctor for her knees. It ends up that she may need surgery on both of them. We will know more on Thursday. I am not sure the dates for any of this. Ri's just got changed to January 5th. Erin's will be during Christmas break.

There is much of our life that I haven't shared. I guess I have slacked off quite purposely; not being able to pull the plug though. Part of me wants to stop my blog and part of me just can't imagine it. For now, that is the part that is winning. But, I have seemed to be a little more reserved about posting.

But... for now.. I will continue to post. If I do quit the blog, I will let you all know. Bri and Sherri... Of course I will keep you on!! I am thrilled you are following.

So.. what is new? Well, Sam had a wonderful soccer season. He played both varsity and JV. He is really looking forward to playing his senior year next year. We just attended his banquet. We are very proud of our son! He had some difficult things happen today and he has shown himself to be quite a man in the way he is handling them. I have recently been in awe of how much he is growing up and what a fine young man he is. I am amazed at his strength and determination. He is treasurer of his class, on student council, involved in soccer, marching band - a section leader, jazz band, pep band, youth group, and is in the top 10% of his class. To top it off, he is an absolute amazing big brother.

I have posted in the past that there are times in my life when I know I have seen the hand of God. There is no doubt whatsoever. Those moments are not often. Oh.. I know God is working and I know that He is there, but so often and without knowing it, I can justify some other thing. With my head, I acknowledge God, but somehow I think I do it more often because I know God is real and working rather then really KNOWING and believing that it is God who is working. So many things can be "justified" through some circumstance.

I was talking to my mother-in-law Friday about prayer. I was really struggling about my prayer with God regarding the water situation. My words said "I know that God is able and can supply the water we need", but in my heart I was wondering if he would. Because of my walk with God, I am very aware that God's answer to prayer is often NO. I am ok with NO. But because I know that he says NO to things I pray about, I began to wonder if his answer would be no to providing water through digging our well deeper. We have questioned for a long time if we should dig deeper or dig a new well. There is no guarantee of finding more water when you dig...either way. The only thing we knew was if we dug a new well, it would cost us, possibly, over $4000 more. We have wrestled with this quesion for a few years,.. especially this past year. That is one thing that has kept us from doing anything - not knowing the right answer.

So.. after praying about this for months and because the expenses of 2 surgeries and 2 college tuitions are just around the corner, we opted to dig deeper. But once our digger began digging, he shook his head and said "it doesn't look good" but kept saying... "we're going to dig and see if we can get you a little more water". Now our digger is of the old school. He says it like it is,... with a lot of "gruffness" behind each answer. He doesn't tip-toe around anything and doesn't soften his answers (which I always want him to do) so you have to be careful not to get totally depressed when he shakes his head or says something like that.

All that said... on Friday night, I began to wrestle with my faith. I wondered if I was just saying that I believed God could do it. Did I really believe he could? Sure, I knew his answer could be no, but was I ... at all... believing that he could give me water or was I just trusting in the digger and the ground below? I couldn't decide if I was a Pharisee or like the disciples. Was my faith only through words and actions (like the Pharisee's) because it was the right thing to do or say? Or was it like the disciples of whom Jesus said had little faith? Oh how I struggled with my heart. As I fell asleep, the well was on my mind. I had a fitful night sleep - getting angry that we were digging deeper and not a new well... wrestling with my faith.... not believing that we could ever find water again... and feeling trapped in a house that we could never sell because it had no water and never would. I laid awake for hours (it seemed)... wrestling with my thoughts and my prayers to God. I cried out several times only to be faced with my own doubt on whether God would answer it with more water.

So, I shared my heart with my mother-in-law. In her wisdom, she listened and helped me work through those thoughts. Within 1/2 hour, my digger shared with me that he had seen water 20 feet from the surface in the morning. I had hope.. again. I started feeling stronger in my faith (see... circumstances effected me!), and as the day progressed,we had hope. At the end of the day, the well had been dug 50 feet deeper and we had more water. The digger pumped the well out and after 25 minutes of running the water at 10 gallons per minute, it ran dry. I was happy to see much more water... but sad to see that it ran dry in 25 minutes. But the digger put a flow valve on it that slowed the flow down to 5 gallons per minute. We only waited 10 minutes from the time the well ran dry to trying it again. At 5 gallons per minute, it ran for 17 minutes or so. We watched it slow down. I began to run to shut the pump off when the digger told me to wait. We watched it slow down... almost stop .. and then go back to the normal pressure. What was happening was our well was able to catch up. The flow had been slowed down enough that the well wasn't running out of water and was able to replenish itself before it ran dry. So.. he hooked a hose up to it, slowed it down to 2-3 gallons per minute and ran the how ALL NIGHT LONG! After experiencing what we have experienced for the past few years... that was a shock to me. I woke up and checked the water in the middle of the night; fearing that the well had run dry and our pump would burn out. I was in complete awe of God. The hose never stopped pumping water out of the well! I couldn't help but praise God over and over and over again! It was a moment where I really felt like the hand of God was right there; almost visibly.

Since then, we have been able to run our softner, do as many loads of laundry, take showers, and run our dishwasher twice a day..... and haven't had ANY water issues at all. Our softner is a little out of whack and we are getting some water that is a little salty now and then... but we have water and I am still praising God! Hopefully, we can work out the softner problems and be in great shape.

I promised myself that my next post will be all about Sam. I want to take some time to focus on him... but instead, I need to ask for some prayer. As I write, we have someone digging deeper in our well, in search of more water. My prayer is that he will hit a huge vein of water and not have to go more then 50 feet to hit it. God has certainly taken care of us and we have had all the water that we have needed. Sometimes, we think we need more then we have, but God has truly been gracious to give us what we have had. We have wrestled with whether we needed to spend the money or not. We have tried to make due and have learned to conserve. But, we have felt that we really wouldn't be wise waiting much longer. Our water has decreased so much that I can't do more then 2 loads of laundry in a day and each of us take showers and do the dishes by hand. REcently, we have ran out even sooner and it has taken much longer to replenish. So, if you will, please pray for success. My God is able to do anything.

My daughter asked me why I hadn't posted anything about our weekend. I simply ran out of time and hadn't gotten back on. I was more consumed by my thoughts on rejoicing and I completely forgot my thoughts on the weekend. We had an amazing time with the girls over the weekend. It was way too short, but it always is.

We arrived on campus just a few mintutes after Em arrived. Erin's game was ready to begin, so we immediately headed for the field. It was fun to be there together. Sam was the only one missing... and boy did we miss having him. It just didn't seem complete. Houghton played the Naz and won! Erin starts every game, though she is usually taken out during the first half for 10-15 minutes. Sometimes less, sometimes longer. The first half, she was out for 15-20 minutes (just after we got there). But the 2nd half, she played nearly the entire half. She is looking very strong. It was fun to watch her making plays. She is so gifted with her footwork. I haven't quite figured out if she is taken out for rest, because she isn't playing well, or to protect her from injuries. Her body is taking some beatings and it is not holding up as well as we all would like for it to. She seems to be taken out more often when the team is ahead. On Saturday's game, she was left in nearly the entire game (and it went into 2 overtimes). But during Saturday's game, her shoulder popped out. None of us could figure out what happened (the coach included). We all figured she got hit hard, but all that happened was she turned quickly. It came out while she was running! Yikes! So... she has an appointment with a doctor tomorrow and, hopefully, we should find out what damage we are looking at. In the meantime, I think the coach is using her when he needs her and taking her out when they are ahead. I could be wrong, though... Houghton is a very good team with excellent soccer players. I could just be a proud mama who is giving excuses for her girl. In my eyes... She is the best! But I am kind of partial! :)

Emily was amazing. She looks fantastic. She looks at peace and excited about life. It was so much fun spending time with her. She makes us smile. I have missed her smile and her tenderness. 8 weeks is just too long! It is so cool to see what God has done in her life over the past 6 months. Whenever I doubt prayer, I need to look in the face of my little girl. God has done amazing things in Emily's life.

The girls were precious with Elizabeth, Ri and Jaoob. Mark and I both were in awe of how much Emily and Erin have grown up and developed into beautiful, Godly young women. Wow - Just when I think that I have ruined their lives by being a horrible example/ mom ... God reminds me that He has them in His hands and HE is molding them to be the woman HE desires! I really have nothing to do with it.

Oh how I love fall! Yesterday, I was waiting for the kids to come home on the bus and I was just struck with the incredible beauty all around me. Wow! Hasn't God blessed us? It was then that I began to think of some things. I run out of water every day. We even stopped recycling our water automatically and only recycle it once a week or so. I have now stopped using my dishwasher and wash my dishes by hand. Our showers are short and sweet. But after 4 showers over a 2 hour period and 2 loads of laundry, I am usually facing an empty well. It used to take only 1/2 hour or so to fill up... but now it is taking a much, much longer time. Even then, it usually stops if I do much at all. And... recently... I have been faced with much more laundry then usual. So, I have found myself with more moments then I care to admit... tempted to break down sobbing rather then rejoicing. But yesterday, I found myself beginning to think about God's true gifts. Sure - I could complain and grumble... but really... why? God has given us plenty of water. We have just what we need to survive. Warren Barfield came to our church a few months ago and shared a story of a mission trip he went on in another country (can't remember the country). A small boy (5 or 6 years old or so) had a job for his family. He had to travel miles down (and back up) a steep hill to a place in the mountain that everyone in the valley got their water from. There were lines of people, everyday, who stood for their turn to fill up a gallon jug of water just so their family could survive. After waiting hours to fill up his jug, he would have to walk back up the mountain to take it home... only to turn around the next day and do it all over again. Now I may not be remembering the details exactly accurate... but you get my point. All I have to do is turn the faucet on and my water is there. And when it isn't, I just have to wait a few hours to have more come. But how can I complain? There are so many people in the world who don't have even one blanket to keep them warm. Who am I to look in the face of God and grumble? I am humbled and ashamed at that thought. I complain at the little inconveniences in my life rather then rejoice in them. I am so blessed to have the laundry that I have, to have the water that I have, to have the things I have. Even in the darkest of any moment in my life..... I still have far more then the millions who face "real" darkness in their lives. Those who are fearing for their lives, daily, due to war or poverty or sickness; those who have no fresh water or have to travel miles to retrieve any, those who have no shelter over their heads or those who are facing broken homes or the lost of a loved one. And even in all these things I mentioned, there are believers who are rejoicing and not complaining. Believers who have found their strength in Christ and who have found true peace. Their circumstances have not caused them to give up; instead, they have drawn nearer to Christ. Just look at Paul and his life. Read about Paul and Silas in Acts 16.

changes coming

Well, some of you have already figured there has been a problem to the blog. That is true. The other day, I shut it down and only decided to allow those of you that I know personally. The problem is, I am not sure who all follows my blog so I could not include everyone. After Emily called, panicked, I decided that I need to warn you before I shut it down. So, I reopened it. Eventually, I plan on shutting it down completely. I can't do that until I copy everything I have written into a book.... so I may be a little while. In the mean time, if you want to be added to my list of people who have the permission to follow, then email me. If you do not have my email address, then add a comment below so I know you want to follow.

Why am I doing this? Well... I'm not 100% sure why. I just have an unsettling feeling and whenever I begin to feel it, I want to remove every picture of my child off this internet world. I'm torn about it. I love blogging and I my daughter loves checking it. It is one way that she stays in touch with her family. For that reason, alone, I want to leave it up. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I just am not sure. But for now, I am extending a warning or an explanation ahead of time. I will keep you posted as to when I finally decide I am shutting it down.

I am constantly looking for ways to save money. A site that I have recently discovered is called groupon and it has daily specials that are tailored for your city (or a city close to you). I have found several really good deals for restaurants, movies, salon treatments, services and products, etc... it seems like an incredible site. I have been watching it for weeks now. There have been lots of times that I have thought about it, but just never really purchased anything because I really didn't have a need. There were restaurants that I would like to try sometime, but I knew Mark and I wouldn't make it there for awhile. I have been keeping an eye out for "gift" ideas through it. Today, I finally bit the bullet and bought something. When I checked out, it gave me a code for me to share the site with anyone who might be interested. I get $10.00 if you buy something from it. Now... don't go buy anything for that reason. But I would encourage you to sign up and keep an eye out. There really may be something that you could save money on. And if you do buy, then you will be blessed to have saved money and I will be blessed to have referred you. Here is the site:
http://www.groupon.com/r/uu9055645 You will notice that the city that pops up is Orlando. What you would want to do is go to the part on the site that has other cities. When you find your city, just click on it and the deal for your city will come up. You can buy deals from other cities, just make sure that it is a deal that you can use. The http address I gave you is specific so that they can track that it came from me, I guess that is what the uu905565 number is at the end. That is pretty cool. The other site that you may want to keep an eye on is my friends blog: www.findsforfriends.blogspot.com She has been posting lots and lots of coupons and deals that she has discovered. Recently, she posted for a free photo book (right down my alley) code. Anyway - I just wanted to pass on some of the fun ways to save money. In this economy (and especially with Christmas coming up), any way to save money is a blessing!

I get to see my girls this Friday! Yay!! I can not wait. It feels like forever since I've seen them. I haven't seen Emily in 6 weeks and I've only seen Erin for a brief few hours. Things are pretty routine around here. Elizabeth and Ri absolutely love kindergarten. Jacob has settled into a normal life of high school. He is trying to get involved through clubs. He is getting all A's, so I guess the transition (academically) hasn't been bad. Sam is very, very involved in school. He has very little time to call his own. Unfortunately, his grades, at this moment, are beginning to reflect that. The challenges of college courses are really being put in his face and he is realizing it takes a little more effort then high school courses do.

As for everything else, all is well. I just heard a few minutes ago that it is a go for Ri's procedure. The doctor who reviewed everything said that it doe appear that a cath needs to be done to the Left pulmonary artery. He stated that he wants to see what is needed once he can get into it. He also is somewhat concerned about his right pulmonary artery and would like to evaluate it during the procedure as well. We knew it did not look good, but the heart doctor did not indicate that we were going to do anything to that one. So, now I just have to decide if I want to meet with the doctor who is going to do the catheter before hand so that he can explain everything to us or just go in and have it done. We still do not have anything scheduled. They don't schedule it until the doctors office calls to let me know that it is a go. We are definitely looking a month or 2 down the road. We are hoping for the week before Christmas. That way Sara's mom does not have to find a babysitter and Emily and Erin will both be here. It was hard on them to not be at the hospital for Elizabeth when she had the surgery on her hand and then on her tonsils.

Emily has not stopped talking about Skyview Baptist Ranch. She aches to be back there. It is as if it is part of her blood now. She can't say enough about her boss, the staff she worked with, the kids she had in her cabins, and the way she experienced God. I would not be surprised at all if God calls her into some kind of camp ministry. It seems to be her deepest love right now.

And guess what was going on at Skyview this past weekend? A ladies retreat! When I read it in the bulletin, I instantly wanted to go. I spent hours in prayer for the camp this summer as I prayed for Emily and each of her kids. I lifted up the director, the speakers, the counselors, the staff... the entire camp daily. It is the first thing outside my family that I have ever prayed for so consistently and so intensely. By the end of the summer, my love for the camp was so deep that I longed to be a part of it. But.. since I am 47 years old and a mom of 6 kids and a wife to an amazing husband... I don't see that I will be a good candidate for a counselor position or a staff job. So when I saw that there would be a ladies retreat, I ached to attend.

I hesitated because of some circumstances, but my husband wanted to bless me. He insisted that I go. Unfortunately, the one weekend it fell on was the weekend that Mark had to work overtime and the boys had marching band. But God is so wonderful. My mother-in-law was more then willing to take the kids for me. They spent the night on Friday and they spent most of the day with her on Saturday.

So I was able to go. I had been looking forward to fellowship with woman and a time of being fed... but I think mostly I was looking forward to just being at Skyview.
And ... to my great joy.. it was all that I had hoped for and more. The last retreat I attended at Skyview was over 10 years ago. It use to be that Skyview ministered to everyone except for the ladies. Skyview had been in charge of everything for the kids, families and mens camps/retreats... but when it came to the ladies retreats, they only opened up the camp and cooked the food. If there was going to be a retreat, the ladies from one church would be in charge of everything from the speaker, the sessions, the planning... everything. Overtime, we got resentful and eventually just quit going. Ladies need ministered to just as much as everyone else. In fact, sometimes we need ministered to even more. I am not sure why Skyview made that decision long ago. I am sure there was a legitimate reason for it. The ladies who attended were always blessed.

Four years ago, there were some changes made at the camp. The director left and a new one was hired. Sometimes having fresh ideas and fresh people will often cause changes. Well, for me, the changes have been amazing. I had loved Skyview and Mark and I insisted that our kids go when they were younger. We never missed the mens or womans retreat. But overtime, experiences made me not desire my kids to attend. We stopped sending our kids and we stopped attending the retreats. Over the summer, God changed my heart and I couldn't wait to experience, for myself, what God had done at Skyview.

And boy was I not disappointed. From the moment we drove up, I could sense that the retreat was going to be like nothing I had experienced there before. The theme was "once upon a time" and the camp staff was awaiting the arrival of the princesses of the kingdom. Standing at the door, holding it open, were two men dressed in black slacks, a white shirt and a tie with smiles and assurances that they were there to take care of each and every princess. One of the men was the actual camp director. THe other was a young man that Emily had worked with all summer and who recently has gone to work fulltime at the camp. They were both playing their role beautifully. We walked into the chapel/dining hall to hanging "silk" curtains and a real "princess"... dressed in the most beautiful gown awaiting to sign us in. The tables had the best table cloths, wine glasses (for the ambiance only - and to put our tea/pop/water in) and real plates with a tiara waiting to be placed on the head of every princess. After we checked in, we went to our cabins to find all the flavored beverages, fruits, cookies, granola bars that we could want. We knew we were in for a treat. The dinner was amazing. Every volunteer and staff member was dressed to serve the princesses. After dinner, we were "fed" the word of God and learned about a real simple and humple woman who became a queen and how she was used by God. Then we were treated to a concert followed by all the chocolate our hearts desired. Throughout the evening there were opportunities for massages and facials.

The weekend continued in the same fashion. It was amazing. There is so much that could be said. I praise God for the opportunity I had to experience Skyview. Even more, I praise him for the joy I had, the way my family encouraged me and loved me, for the fellowship and fun, for the word of God that was preached and the speaker who delivered His message, for the AMAZING volunteers that served us and that I had the joy of getting to know, for the camp director and his wonderful family and for the deep love that I have for a camp that God is using to change the lives of all that have the joy of experiencing it.

Well, it looks like we will be spending another night at the hospital. THis time, for Ri. We had his MRI on his heart done 2 weeks ago. It is the first time they have done anything more extensive then an echo. When we went for the follow up, we were suppose to just see the doctor for the results and have an EKG ran. The appointment was at 1:00. It tried to reschedule it because Erin was going to be playing in Canton at 5:00. From Children's it would take me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get there but Ri did not want to go, so I had planned on taking him home before we headed out (which meant I had to leave Children's by 2:00. We were the first appointment of the afternoon and they assured me that it should be pretty simple. We showed up 1/2 hour early in hopes to have his EKG ran earlier and then be out pretty quick. When we were taken back, I asked the nurse if she felt we could be out by 2:00 (It was 1:10 by then). She looked at the orders and said she doubted it since an echo took at least 30 minutes. An echo? What was that all about. I asked her why an echo was being run since they told me only an EKG. She thought maybe just because it was time for a normal, thorough exam. I accepted that, but was a little leary (not to mention a bit upset that my time was now going to be REALLY pushed). They immediately ran his EKG and within a minute, we were off to the echo. We were in the echo by 1:15. I still had hopes to be out the door by 2:00. Sure enough, the echo took 1/2 hour (every bit of it). It was the most extensive echo I have seen done on him. The tech assured me that this is the type she ALWAYS does on kids. I don't remember that at all. That last ones were very quick and the measuring and every picture I saw was much more extensive on this one. Still, I figured it was ok. She got done and told Ri how well he did. She told him to sit still, she thought he was done, but she would have to make sure the doctor was happy with the pictures and didn't want anything else done. Five minutes later, he was rolled back on his side and we were taking another 15 minutes of pictures. Now it was after 2:00. So much for being out the door in time to not have to take Ri to the game. But, I had hopes we would be out by 2:30-2:45 at the latest. On to our room. The nurse came in and listened,for a very very long time, to Ri's heart. That was new. By this time, I have the picture that something was up and we were not looking at the yearly "clean bill of health" comment.

The doctor came in and for the first time, ever, was just as nice and normal as could be. In the past, he has been arrogant and somewhat degrading to me. In fact, I had asked for a different doctor, but when scheduled the appointment, it was with him. He sat down and started talking to Ri and listening to his heart. Ri was getting anxious and a little wound up due to all the waiting and examining. The doctor gently held him and asked him if he would be able to find something to do quietly so that he could talk to me. Ok.. big clue that something is up! He sat down and went over his EKG, sharing with me what they would normally be looking for and how Ri's peak was not reaching where it should. Then he went on to share with me that we had already known of his narrowing arteries and pulmonary stenosis and that was all to be expected with a TOF kid after repair. He explained that on the echo and the MRI, there is evidence that one of the chambers has a pressure of 90/50 when it should be 90/20 or 30 (can't remember). He said, "still, that isn't something to be terribly concerned about". He explained that 2 of the 3 main arteries measure 7 millimeters (I am not sure what the normal measurement should be ... either 10 or 20, but I am thinking 10). He expects that with Ri. But his third artery measures only 3 mm. This is where the concern is. The blood can't flow into that cavity easily and so it is flowing into another cavity causing the 90/50 pressure.

My numbers could be way off. I told the doctor that I probably will not be able to remember all that he tells me. He told me that if I talk to 10 doctors, 5 would say to do nothing and watch him. They would rather wait and see how he does. If he gets worse, then we would do something. I think he might have been with those doctors a few years ago when he told us to wait. He said, then, that Ri looked way too good to touch. He said yesterday that Ri looks great. His heart sounds just how they would expect it to be. If a teacher were to watch him, they would not be able to tell the difference between him and a normal heart child. His activity level should be just like everyone elses. It is, but he gets tired far quicker then any of the other kids. He gets winded easily and flushed easily. But still, that doesn't concern him. But he says that what they seem to be finding is that for the adults whom were just like Ri.... the kids they said "let's wait and watch him" so that we don't have to go in a couple of times... when they go in as adults to put a stint in or repair, then they are finding that the one lung has not developed appropriately and is much smaller. They are begin to think that if they go in now, then the lung will develop as it should. The problem with going in now is that they will have to go in again in 5-6 years and do it again. So we put him at risk each time. But, the risks seems to be one that the benefits are far better then the risks.

So... could you pray for us to have wisdom and for Ri's heart. At this point, we are planning on having the procedure done. The doctor is sending the results to the 2 doctors that actually would be doing the procedure. In a couple of weeks, they will contact us to set up something if they agree. If we do have it done, he will be in the hospital for one night and then restricted to low activity (ha... do they understand who Ri is?) for 2 days (no school).... providing we have no complications to the procedure.

Well, we got out by 3:15 and were off to the game. My incredible mother-in-law met us and picked Ri up so he didn't have to go. She is amazing! We made it 15 minutes late. Erin looks great. She played well. They won 2-0 and we were able to take her to eat. Boy do I miss that girl!!! She really is doing amazing. College life is doing wonders for her.

I have wasted enough time on this computer. I need to take advantage of an empty house and go clean!

What a beautiful day it was today! God blessed us with a beautiful morning. Our boys were priceless. We got them up early, pushed them far quicker out the door then any of us had anticipated, and still..even after a few stressful moments...still they smiled and encouraged us. They were priceless. With cameras in their hands and 5 year olds by their side, they cheered their mom and dad on. Along with the kids, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law all showed up to encourage us. It was a great morning! The weather was incredibly gorgeous. It was kind of chilly, but nothing compared to what I was anticipating. The water was 70 degrees.

Mark and I really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It has been such a joy for me to listen to our boys. As I stood in the water, waiting for our turn, I looked around. There wasn't a sole in a normal bathing suit. Every participant was in racing suits or wet suits. I giggled because Mark and I stood out... me especially. I stood in a lime green, normal bathing suit... you know.. the kind you just go swimming at the pool in... NOT racing. But as Sam told me, I was easy to find. And as both our kids said (several times)... we stood out in every way.. we were very low tech. It's true. Nearly every participant had some form of racing gear. Their shorts, shirts, helmets, suits, and bikes were all pretty high tech. I noticed the bikes immediately when I placed mine on the rack next to everyone elses. They all had their bikes on the rack by the handle bars. All their bars curved and fit neatly over the rail. My handle bars are perfect for this old woman! They aren't curved, their isn't a place to rest my elbows as I race (I don't think my back could handle that). But that didn't bother me at all. I wasn't there to compete; only to reach my goal of finishing.

It was an incredible feeling. Difficult as all get out. And when I was finishing, I said to myself that I would never do this again. But by the time we sat down in the car, I was asking the boys to do it with us next year.

As for the race, I had a lead on Mark after the swim. He caught up to me by the end of the bike ride. We started running together. He could have easily pulled out and finished much faster and stronger; but he didn't. He refused to finish ahead of me. He is so precious! The running part was hardest on me, so he didn't leave my side. It was so cool to run with him. We did this to celebrate our 20th anniversary. As we ran, Mark reminded me of how much this triathlon compared too our marriage. He talked about so many different things, it was just very special to hear it while we ran it. Marriage is hard work. At times, it would be easy to quit. There are smooth roads, bumpy roads, and pretty darn nasty roads. But it is worth it. The hard work that you put in pays off. It can be exhilerating and frustrating and painful and fun... it is an amazing journey.