I think I mentioned before, our teens (12 teens and 3 adults) will be heading on a mission trip to the Appalachians in June. It is neat to watch the kids prepare for the trip. They are required to fill out faithfulness cards every week. Part of the requirement is that they attend at least 3 of the 4 services a week, do one service project a week and complete their daily devotions (I think it is at least 5 out of the 7 days). They also are having a training progrm to prepare them for the trip. In addition, they have been required to raise support; just like a missionary. They have all sent out letters to friends and family asking for prayer and support (a very difficult thing for my kids to do and for me to allow them to do) and are doing fundraising events. Last Sunday evening, they had a spaghetti dinner. Here is the group of kids (and 2 of the leaders) who will be going on the trip just before the dinner began.

Sometimes I am smart enough to run to the blog and write what I just heard. If I don't, it will be forever lost in my memory... and sometimes I just don't want to lose or forget funny things.

This morning, Elizabeth picked up the phone and looked at me ... very seriously... and said "What's God's phone number". I explained that you didn't need to call God, all you needed to do is pray. This afternoon, when we sat down for lunch, she prayed for us. In her prayer, she thanked God for a good day, for Sara coming to play, for the good food... and then she added.... and tell us your phone number, in Jesus name, Amen.

Our beautiful little girl is all grown up. This past weekend, the college sponsored a spring banquet. It was an opportunity for all the kids to dress up and have a night out. Emily enjoyed every minute of it.

Erin and Sam are going on a mission trip to the Appalachians in Tennessee this summer. There is a group of 15 going; 12 teens and 3 adults. Last night, they had a spaghetti dinner to help raise money for the trip. All of the teens were in white shirts and black pants/skirts. All the guys painted on mustaches and gottee's and slicked their hair back. It was fun to watch them. During the meal, they scattered throughout the crowd and sang the song "That's Amore". It was a lot of work, but even more fun. I love watching the kids work for something. I think it is so important for them to learn how to work for a goal.

Ri played in his 3rd game of soccer. The first game, he scored for the other team (Mark and I were not there even though we are the coaches because we were at Childrens' with Elizabeth during surgery). The second game, he clung to Mark and cried most of the game because it was absolutely freezing and he was miserable. I wasn't there because we decided to keep Elizabeth away from the game because she wanted to play so badly and is not able to because of her finger. But this week, Jacob took care of Elizabeth and I went to help Mark. This week.... Ri was a beast! He figured out how to take the ball and turn it around to his goal (a big accomplishment for a pre-schooler.... at least after watching one game I realize this is a big thing). AND>..... he scored 3 goals for us! It was so much fun to watch. We had to have him rest a few times. He had run so hard that he looked flushed and a little winded. We were told he will never be a marathon runner so we were prepared for many breaks. After the game, he came to me with a HUGE smile and said "That was so much fun".

I have not begun Erin's book or movie yet. The time is beginning to pressure me. For any of you who would like to send Erin a letter/note for graduation... I would love to put it in her book. She asked me to have as many people that I could be added to her book. Her favorite part of her 16th birthday book was the letters from all the people who wished her happy birthday. If you want to be included, just send me a quick note at jesuspaidmywages@yahoo.com

I have often thought about the times in my life when I live as if God does not really exist. I make choices that are based on my own desires rather then remembering that God IS watching me, He DOES know every thought I make and every action that I take... and I will be held accountable. Sometimes I look back at the past few days and think... wow..if I really believed all that I said I believe, I would be living my life differently! Then I remember that God has saved me.... fogiving my of my past, present, and future sins. And then I try to readjust my life and try to live for Him all over again. Yesterday, I was reading in Hebrews 3 and felt very heavy when I read these verses:

7So, as the Holy Spirit says:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
8do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion,
during the time of testing in the desert,
9where your fathers tested and tried me
and for forty years saw what I did.
10That is why I was angry with that generation,
and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray,
and they have not known my ways.'
11So I declared on oath in my anger,
'They shall never enter my rest.' "[a]
12See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 14We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. 15As has just been said:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion."[b]

16Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? 17And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the desert? 18And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed[c]? 19So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.


So today, I encourage all of you not to harden your heart to God's word.

I could use some prayer today. I had not heard from the doctor who is doing Elizabeth's tonsils. I had called nearly 2 weeks ago and asked if he felt we should have a sleep study done on her to make sure she definitely needed it done. I called today to find out some information. Evidently the doctor does not feel she needs a sleep study and is going ahead with the surgery. They just needed to hear from hematology. Hematology was waiting on them to send a date. So, nothing would have happened had I not called. But, with my call, we ended up with a date for surgery. May 25th. It will now be an overnight stay.

I know that I need to trust God to take care of my girl. But, I really feel heavy in my heart right now. I wanted to cry when I heard the date. I wanted to run; but instead, I shared with Elizabeth. She whimpered a little; especially when I told her they would be drawing some blood. It breaks my heart. I can't imagine what parents of children with more serious health conditions go through. My heart aches for them.

I have more fear then I should right now. She is in God's hands, but I am so uneasy. I know of 2 people who have died because of hemorrhaging. Both were many, many years ago.... but still.... it weighs heavy on my mind. I just read a 4 page instruction on tonsillectomy and bleeding disorders. It was very informative, but made my heart ache all the worse. She will have to have medicine for her bleeding for a couple of weeks. When she takes the medicine, her fluids must be restricted. To help a child with pain, fluid are to be pushed..... but in Elizabeth's case, I can not push them too much.

So... please pray for Elizabeth! And if you want to add me to that prayer, I will gladly accept it. Elizabeth is undergoing a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy, and an exploration of her larynx and bronchial tubes. It will be a lot for her. Pray it goes well with NO complications, pray they do not find any abnormalities on her bronchial tubes or her larynx. Pray that her recovery is an easy recovery with very little pain and absolutely NO complications due to her bleeding disorder or any other reason.

I know I will be able to lay this at Christ's feet in time... but right now I am really struggling with it.

Our computer is on it's death bed. It is a tragic time in my life. It is getting so close to death that I just can't muster the energy to get on and try to update my blog. It just takes too much effort. I haven't made Erin's movie or her book for graduation because the time it takes to do it has increased so much that I just have no desire to sit down and attempt it. The frustration is just too much for me. So... I only update when I know it has been too long or when someone mentions it. In this case, my daughter reminded me to update.

Except for my computer saga; all is pretty ok in the Miller home. Elizabeth is on the mend. We are just waiting for time to heal it. She should be back to being able to do most things in a few weeks. It looks like about 4-5 weeks of patience (not an easy thing for a 5 year old). We are still waiting on tonsil information. Erin has the worse case of senioritis I've seen in a long time. Her focus is on the prom. She and Jacob (her boyfriend) will be attending both his and her prom (they go to 2 different schools). It is a fun time for her. Emily is finishing up her first year in college (wow has time flown!). She will be home May 8 or 9th. Sam is working out and building himself for soccer. Jacob is finishing school at home. Ri is not so much green-eyed; but still struggling with behavior issues (which I am assuming are the tail ends of all the attention that Elizabeth recieved).

Elizabeth is doing well. She hasn't been in much pain until last night and this morning when she woke up. I think she is just doing too much. It is very hard to keep her down. The pictures are from Saturday, when she got home. It has been such beautiful weather that she just does not want to sit inside. We have taken walks, but getting her not to run is nearly impossible. She doesn't understand why she can't jump on the trampoline or climb things or play in the creek or ride her bike. Well, I guess she understands somewhat but doesn't like it one bit. We go see the doctor on Thursday to see how she is doing. I think we will be in the office every week for the next 4 weeks.

Ri has had a few days of acting like a green-eyed monster. It is so hard for him to comprehend why Elizabeth has gotten so much attention and he had not. He doesn't quite understand

I have to sit and giggle sometimes, if not.. I might end up in tears. Even through the giggling, I find myself teary eyed at times; and today, it was more streams of tears rather then teary-eyed.

Yesterday, we went to follow up with the hand-clinic for Elizabeth's hand. They wanted to wait until Tuesday, but I instisted that the ER doc felt we should be seen Friday. They were a little irritated at needing to fit her into an already full schedule, but the did it for us. We went and waited 2 hour to be seen. The nurse removed the bandage (very, very traumatic for Elizabeth; especially because the gauze was saturated and sticking to the wound). We had x-rays done and then the doctor popped in for a few seconds, looked at her hand and left the room immediately. The nurse was wonderful and even entertained the kids with bubbles. The doctor came back, introduced himself and sat down with a sweet, sympathetic look. The nurse practionioner said "mom, did you get to see the x-rays when you were at the ER". I told her I had. She then smiled and said "then you know what her hand looks like now". It took a few seconds to process it and then it suddenly hit me. The bone had become dislocated again and was in the same posiition, only this time you could see it in the wound. My heart sank and I simply asked... "surgery"... fearing that they would attempt to fix it there. He said "yes" and that we would head straight to Children's and be admitted overnight so that they could administer IV antibiotics.

Mark and been home only a few minutes (from his commute from Columbus). I called him to head back. I had Jacob and Ri with me. So he turned around and came back. It was not as traumatic as the ER visits. This time, they only had to poke her once with an IV. It was horrible because her fears are so heightened right now. They promised me that noone would even look at her hand until she was asleep in surgery. Most of the night, Elizabeth pushed me away. I had had to hold her fingers back while the x-rayed her injured finger. From that moment on, she was angry with me. She pushed as far as she could away. At the hospital, she sat in bed with me and let me hold her, but when it came time for the IV, she screamed "Mommy, tell them to stop... mommy, tell them to stop... tell them to stop." I couldn't tell them to stop and worse... I helped hold her down. After that, she wouldn't let me rub her head or touch her legs or anything for a very, very long while. By bedtime, she had seemed to forgive me, but when she woke up in the morning, the bandage around her injured finger had fallen off and someone had to come and put it back on. She screamed and screamed; begging me not to let them touch her. I had to hold her. Within the next 1/2 hour, we found we were going to surgery. She was still angry with me and not letting me talk to her. Everything I said, she turned away. I was able to walk with her to the holding room before surgery. When she realized they were going to do something again, she screamed and screamed for me and asked me to make them stop. I couldn't. All I could do is kiss her head and hold her close and remind her that she had to do this to make her finger better. They gave her some meds to calm her down (I think valium). She settled right down and hardly had a clue who we were or what they were doing. The nurse picked her up and walked away with her, and all I could see was a sad face on a very drugged up little girl. It killed me! After having to go through so much.. in her little mind, I had not protected her.

Isn't that so much what we do to God? In our mind, we can't understand why God would allow us to go through the things we do. After surgery, it took about a 1/2 hour or so for her to give us a smile. But within an hour or so, she was happy.

I have so much more to share, but I have a little girl waiting for me to play. We are home now. I will fill in more later.

Never a dull moment in the Miller home... NEVER a dull moment!!! Last night was no exception. Mark had just walked in the door, I was cooking dinner and Elizabeth and Ri were playing with our dog. They wanted Shu to stay outside and thought it a game to close the sliding glass door. Ri got a little carried away and slammed the door shut so Shu could not come in. The next thing I know, Elizabeth is screaming and kicking. I quickly looked and saw blood all on her hand, grabbed her and saw the tip of her finger in a very odd shape. Mark looked at me and said "are we off to the ER". Both of us, now knowing her bleeding issues, responded with the same thought. Normally I would take a moment to look; but in this case, the blood I saw and the way her finger was bent gave me a very quick assessment. Chaos began as we yelled for Erin and Jacob. I had food cooking and I needed them to take over, we needed arrange who was watching who with Erin having practice and plans to pick up Sam. Mark grabbed a washcloth and ice while I held onto Elizabeth, elevating her hand and putting pressure on her wound. Jacob came running and I, very intensely, asked him to get the stimate. Poor guy, he had know idea what that was and where it was (chaos and the fact he saw her wound made him panick). I couldn't think quick enough to simply say the medicine for her bleeding and it is in the fridge. I finally could explain that and he grabbed it, Mark grabbed the ice and off we went. I thought her finger tip was barely hanging on, so I was terrified to let go. I managed to get her in a car seat the whole while she was screaming "owie, owie, owie". I got ahold of hematology to tell them we were on our way to the ER. We chose to go to ours rather then Children's (a mistake in the long run). We got there and it was packed. Despite a bleeding disorder, they refused to even look at her because there were 6 people ahead of us just to see the trauma nurse. I finally got them to at least see if it was truly severed so that I could determine to head ot Children's (hematology felt we should go there if it was). I just didn't have the stomach to look at it myself. Yes, I am a wimp! The triage nurse said they could take care of it. I wasn't really impressed with her evaluation! But, we opted to stay. We finally got back in a room nearly 2 hours later where the nurse looked at it with concern, then the doctor looked at it; concerned... and a third doctor looked at it... really concerned. They numbed her finger (5 shots at the base of the finger!). It was heartwrenching and absolutely HORRIBLE!!! Despite the fact that they felt they were going to have to transport us to Children's.. they numbed it. They said it was so she could have x-rays done. Well, the x-ray tech never even touched her finger. It was a piece of cake. After x-rays, they immediately recommended going to a pediatric ortho doc at Children's. I think becaues of her bleeding disorder, they were very leary of us. It appears not many doctors really know what it is. I am glad that I had somewhat of a knowledge to at least be able to explain what I know. They sent us by squad. I am convinced it is because of her bleeding disorder. I think they were very nervous and didn't want us driving her there. Once we got to Children's, we had another couple of hours wait. KCH felt we might have to have surgery. The x-rays showed that her bone was broken and dislocated as well as her finger was nearly amputated (Doctors words). The laceration was at the base of her finger nail and was 3/4 of the way through.

So, we expected surgery but were told they could put it back in place in the room and suture her up. We were glad for no surgery but dreading the re-numbing of her finger and the manipulation to put it back in place followed by stiches. AT this point, we had a very, very tired little girl who was very, very scared of more shots! She had the 5 in her finger at KCH and then a shot of penicillen in her bottom. She fell asleep, only to be woke up with an iv being shoved in her arm. Then she fell asleep again, only to be woke up with 5 more shots in her finger. At this point, we had been given NO medicine for pain yet!! We begged for medicine for her. They prescribed her morphine, but when the nurse came in to give it to her, she saw her asleep and felt that morphine was not appropriate. She gave her tylenol and promised that before they manipulated her finger, she would give her morphine. Well.. the doctor came in and Elizabeth had no morphine. He numbed her finger again (5 more shots) and waited. He then tried to move her finger and Elizabeth screamed horrible screams. They then gave her morphine and we waited 10 more minutes. He tried again, but Elizabeth shot through the roof. Then he gave her a shots in the wound in hopes of numbing the bone area. He proceeded to try to manipulate the bone back in place. Elizabeth screamed screams I had never heard before; begging us to make him stop. Mark and I both cried, praying he could get it in. He tried 6 or 7 times; maybe more... but no success. Finally Mark made him stop. We begged them to try another route. He agreed and asked his supervising doctor. They all agreed that she could be sedated. So we listened to all the "risks" of sedation and again.. I cried. It was so hard. But we couldn't make her go through that pain again. The base of the bone was at the entry wound with the tip facing down. It was very difficult for the doctor to manipulate it with his hands. He felt he would need an instrument to push it back in place. The sedation she had put her into a trance like state. She would either have wonderful dreams or horrible dreams depending on her state of mind before going under. It was our job to fill her head with wonderful thoughts rather then allow her to go into it with the current trauma and fear in her mind. So for 20 minutes or so, we filled her mind with wonderful things, beginning with the horses that Jacob found in our front yard while we were at the hospital (yep.... Jacob looked out and saw 2 horses. It was a crazy night for him!). We talked about Kings Island, fishing at Mamaw's with Sam, hiking in our woods, feeding the horses, her favorite movies, Jesus, talking to animals (like she and Ri like to do), playing at the ocean... anything we knew she liked to do. You could feel her body relaxing and resting in my arms. Either the morphine had finally begun to kick in or she was just enjoying the thoughts. Either way, it was successful.

The adminstered the sedation and she went into her trance (eyes open) while we were in the room. They asked us to leave when they began it all (I would have to.. by then, I was pretty darn stressed out!) It took about 20 minutes until we could walk back in. SHe was there with her eyes opened and her hand being wrapped up. She was in and out of the trance like look, but a much, much happier little girl. We were there a good 1/2 hour or more waiting for her to come to a little bit more. We left with a child who was happy and content. She fell asleep on the way home and slept for another 3 hours or so. She was restless for a good 1/2 hour before she actually woke up, but woke up thirsty and happy. She has been dozing on and off all day.

All in all, we are so thankful for God's provision in her life. I am thankful for the care she was given and that someone had the ability to repair her finger. We are praying that the finger will heal. They had to remove her fingernail and mentioned that it may not grow back or it may grow back malformed. It is a minor thing, but because she is a girl, I am praying it grows back normally.

So.... thus is the life in the home of the Miller Crew. We do like to do things well, don't we?