changes coming

Well, some of you have already figured there has been a problem to the blog. That is true. The other day, I shut it down and only decided to allow those of you that I know personally. The problem is, I am not sure who all follows my blog so I could not include everyone. After Emily called, panicked, I decided that I need to warn you before I shut it down. So, I reopened it. Eventually, I plan on shutting it down completely. I can't do that until I copy everything I have written into a book.... so I may be a little while. In the mean time, if you want to be added to my list of people who have the permission to follow, then email me. If you do not have my email address, then add a comment below so I know you want to follow.

Why am I doing this? Well... I'm not 100% sure why. I just have an unsettling feeling and whenever I begin to feel it, I want to remove every picture of my child off this internet world. I'm torn about it. I love blogging and I my daughter loves checking it. It is one way that she stays in touch with her family. For that reason, alone, I want to leave it up. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I just am not sure. But for now, I am extending a warning or an explanation ahead of time. I will keep you posted as to when I finally decide I am shutting it down.

I am constantly looking for ways to save money. A site that I have recently discovered is called groupon and it has daily specials that are tailored for your city (or a city close to you). I have found several really good deals for restaurants, movies, salon treatments, services and products, etc... it seems like an incredible site. I have been watching it for weeks now. There have been lots of times that I have thought about it, but just never really purchased anything because I really didn't have a need. There were restaurants that I would like to try sometime, but I knew Mark and I wouldn't make it there for awhile. I have been keeping an eye out for "gift" ideas through it. Today, I finally bit the bullet and bought something. When I checked out, it gave me a code for me to share the site with anyone who might be interested. I get $10.00 if you buy something from it. Now... don't go buy anything for that reason. But I would encourage you to sign up and keep an eye out. There really may be something that you could save money on. And if you do buy, then you will be blessed to have saved money and I will be blessed to have referred you. Here is the site:
http://www.groupon.com/r/uu9055645 You will notice that the city that pops up is Orlando. What you would want to do is go to the part on the site that has other cities. When you find your city, just click on it and the deal for your city will come up. You can buy deals from other cities, just make sure that it is a deal that you can use. The http address I gave you is specific so that they can track that it came from me, I guess that is what the uu905565 number is at the end. That is pretty cool. The other site that you may want to keep an eye on is my friends blog: www.findsforfriends.blogspot.com She has been posting lots and lots of coupons and deals that she has discovered. Recently, she posted for a free photo book (right down my alley) code. Anyway - I just wanted to pass on some of the fun ways to save money. In this economy (and especially with Christmas coming up), any way to save money is a blessing!

I get to see my girls this Friday! Yay!! I can not wait. It feels like forever since I've seen them. I haven't seen Emily in 6 weeks and I've only seen Erin for a brief few hours. Things are pretty routine around here. Elizabeth and Ri absolutely love kindergarten. Jacob has settled into a normal life of high school. He is trying to get involved through clubs. He is getting all A's, so I guess the transition (academically) hasn't been bad. Sam is very, very involved in school. He has very little time to call his own. Unfortunately, his grades, at this moment, are beginning to reflect that. The challenges of college courses are really being put in his face and he is realizing it takes a little more effort then high school courses do.

As for everything else, all is well. I just heard a few minutes ago that it is a go for Ri's procedure. The doctor who reviewed everything said that it doe appear that a cath needs to be done to the Left pulmonary artery. He stated that he wants to see what is needed once he can get into it. He also is somewhat concerned about his right pulmonary artery and would like to evaluate it during the procedure as well. We knew it did not look good, but the heart doctor did not indicate that we were going to do anything to that one. So, now I just have to decide if I want to meet with the doctor who is going to do the catheter before hand so that he can explain everything to us or just go in and have it done. We still do not have anything scheduled. They don't schedule it until the doctors office calls to let me know that it is a go. We are definitely looking a month or 2 down the road. We are hoping for the week before Christmas. That way Sara's mom does not have to find a babysitter and Emily and Erin will both be here. It was hard on them to not be at the hospital for Elizabeth when she had the surgery on her hand and then on her tonsils.

Emily has not stopped talking about Skyview Baptist Ranch. She aches to be back there. It is as if it is part of her blood now. She can't say enough about her boss, the staff she worked with, the kids she had in her cabins, and the way she experienced God. I would not be surprised at all if God calls her into some kind of camp ministry. It seems to be her deepest love right now.

And guess what was going on at Skyview this past weekend? A ladies retreat! When I read it in the bulletin, I instantly wanted to go. I spent hours in prayer for the camp this summer as I prayed for Emily and each of her kids. I lifted up the director, the speakers, the counselors, the staff... the entire camp daily. It is the first thing outside my family that I have ever prayed for so consistently and so intensely. By the end of the summer, my love for the camp was so deep that I longed to be a part of it. But.. since I am 47 years old and a mom of 6 kids and a wife to an amazing husband... I don't see that I will be a good candidate for a counselor position or a staff job. So when I saw that there would be a ladies retreat, I ached to attend.

I hesitated because of some circumstances, but my husband wanted to bless me. He insisted that I go. Unfortunately, the one weekend it fell on was the weekend that Mark had to work overtime and the boys had marching band. But God is so wonderful. My mother-in-law was more then willing to take the kids for me. They spent the night on Friday and they spent most of the day with her on Saturday.

So I was able to go. I had been looking forward to fellowship with woman and a time of being fed... but I think mostly I was looking forward to just being at Skyview.
And ... to my great joy.. it was all that I had hoped for and more. The last retreat I attended at Skyview was over 10 years ago. It use to be that Skyview ministered to everyone except for the ladies. Skyview had been in charge of everything for the kids, families and mens camps/retreats... but when it came to the ladies retreats, they only opened up the camp and cooked the food. If there was going to be a retreat, the ladies from one church would be in charge of everything from the speaker, the sessions, the planning... everything. Overtime, we got resentful and eventually just quit going. Ladies need ministered to just as much as everyone else. In fact, sometimes we need ministered to even more. I am not sure why Skyview made that decision long ago. I am sure there was a legitimate reason for it. The ladies who attended were always blessed.

Four years ago, there were some changes made at the camp. The director left and a new one was hired. Sometimes having fresh ideas and fresh people will often cause changes. Well, for me, the changes have been amazing. I had loved Skyview and Mark and I insisted that our kids go when they were younger. We never missed the mens or womans retreat. But overtime, experiences made me not desire my kids to attend. We stopped sending our kids and we stopped attending the retreats. Over the summer, God changed my heart and I couldn't wait to experience, for myself, what God had done at Skyview.

And boy was I not disappointed. From the moment we drove up, I could sense that the retreat was going to be like nothing I had experienced there before. The theme was "once upon a time" and the camp staff was awaiting the arrival of the princesses of the kingdom. Standing at the door, holding it open, were two men dressed in black slacks, a white shirt and a tie with smiles and assurances that they were there to take care of each and every princess. One of the men was the actual camp director. THe other was a young man that Emily had worked with all summer and who recently has gone to work fulltime at the camp. They were both playing their role beautifully. We walked into the chapel/dining hall to hanging "silk" curtains and a real "princess"... dressed in the most beautiful gown awaiting to sign us in. The tables had the best table cloths, wine glasses (for the ambiance only - and to put our tea/pop/water in) and real plates with a tiara waiting to be placed on the head of every princess. After we checked in, we went to our cabins to find all the flavored beverages, fruits, cookies, granola bars that we could want. We knew we were in for a treat. The dinner was amazing. Every volunteer and staff member was dressed to serve the princesses. After dinner, we were "fed" the word of God and learned about a real simple and humple woman who became a queen and how she was used by God. Then we were treated to a concert followed by all the chocolate our hearts desired. Throughout the evening there were opportunities for massages and facials.

The weekend continued in the same fashion. It was amazing. There is so much that could be said. I praise God for the opportunity I had to experience Skyview. Even more, I praise him for the joy I had, the way my family encouraged me and loved me, for the fellowship and fun, for the word of God that was preached and the speaker who delivered His message, for the AMAZING volunteers that served us and that I had the joy of getting to know, for the camp director and his wonderful family and for the deep love that I have for a camp that God is using to change the lives of all that have the joy of experiencing it.

Well, it looks like we will be spending another night at the hospital. THis time, for Ri. We had his MRI on his heart done 2 weeks ago. It is the first time they have done anything more extensive then an echo. When we went for the follow up, we were suppose to just see the doctor for the results and have an EKG ran. The appointment was at 1:00. It tried to reschedule it because Erin was going to be playing in Canton at 5:00. From Children's it would take me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get there but Ri did not want to go, so I had planned on taking him home before we headed out (which meant I had to leave Children's by 2:00. We were the first appointment of the afternoon and they assured me that it should be pretty simple. We showed up 1/2 hour early in hopes to have his EKG ran earlier and then be out pretty quick. When we were taken back, I asked the nurse if she felt we could be out by 2:00 (It was 1:10 by then). She looked at the orders and said she doubted it since an echo took at least 30 minutes. An echo? What was that all about. I asked her why an echo was being run since they told me only an EKG. She thought maybe just because it was time for a normal, thorough exam. I accepted that, but was a little leary (not to mention a bit upset that my time was now going to be REALLY pushed). They immediately ran his EKG and within a minute, we were off to the echo. We were in the echo by 1:15. I still had hopes to be out the door by 2:00. Sure enough, the echo took 1/2 hour (every bit of it). It was the most extensive echo I have seen done on him. The tech assured me that this is the type she ALWAYS does on kids. I don't remember that at all. That last ones were very quick and the measuring and every picture I saw was much more extensive on this one. Still, I figured it was ok. She got done and told Ri how well he did. She told him to sit still, she thought he was done, but she would have to make sure the doctor was happy with the pictures and didn't want anything else done. Five minutes later, he was rolled back on his side and we were taking another 15 minutes of pictures. Now it was after 2:00. So much for being out the door in time to not have to take Ri to the game. But, I had hopes we would be out by 2:30-2:45 at the latest. On to our room. The nurse came in and listened,for a very very long time, to Ri's heart. That was new. By this time, I have the picture that something was up and we were not looking at the yearly "clean bill of health" comment.

The doctor came in and for the first time, ever, was just as nice and normal as could be. In the past, he has been arrogant and somewhat degrading to me. In fact, I had asked for a different doctor, but when scheduled the appointment, it was with him. He sat down and started talking to Ri and listening to his heart. Ri was getting anxious and a little wound up due to all the waiting and examining. The doctor gently held him and asked him if he would be able to find something to do quietly so that he could talk to me. Ok.. big clue that something is up! He sat down and went over his EKG, sharing with me what they would normally be looking for and how Ri's peak was not reaching where it should. Then he went on to share with me that we had already known of his narrowing arteries and pulmonary stenosis and that was all to be expected with a TOF kid after repair. He explained that on the echo and the MRI, there is evidence that one of the chambers has a pressure of 90/50 when it should be 90/20 or 30 (can't remember). He said, "still, that isn't something to be terribly concerned about". He explained that 2 of the 3 main arteries measure 7 millimeters (I am not sure what the normal measurement should be ... either 10 or 20, but I am thinking 10). He expects that with Ri. But his third artery measures only 3 mm. This is where the concern is. The blood can't flow into that cavity easily and so it is flowing into another cavity causing the 90/50 pressure.

My numbers could be way off. I told the doctor that I probably will not be able to remember all that he tells me. He told me that if I talk to 10 doctors, 5 would say to do nothing and watch him. They would rather wait and see how he does. If he gets worse, then we would do something. I think he might have been with those doctors a few years ago when he told us to wait. He said, then, that Ri looked way too good to touch. He said yesterday that Ri looks great. His heart sounds just how they would expect it to be. If a teacher were to watch him, they would not be able to tell the difference between him and a normal heart child. His activity level should be just like everyone elses. It is, but he gets tired far quicker then any of the other kids. He gets winded easily and flushed easily. But still, that doesn't concern him. But he says that what they seem to be finding is that for the adults whom were just like Ri.... the kids they said "let's wait and watch him" so that we don't have to go in a couple of times... when they go in as adults to put a stint in or repair, then they are finding that the one lung has not developed appropriately and is much smaller. They are begin to think that if they go in now, then the lung will develop as it should. The problem with going in now is that they will have to go in again in 5-6 years and do it again. So we put him at risk each time. But, the risks seems to be one that the benefits are far better then the risks.

So... could you pray for us to have wisdom and for Ri's heart. At this point, we are planning on having the procedure done. The doctor is sending the results to the 2 doctors that actually would be doing the procedure. In a couple of weeks, they will contact us to set up something if they agree. If we do have it done, he will be in the hospital for one night and then restricted to low activity (ha... do they understand who Ri is?) for 2 days (no school).... providing we have no complications to the procedure.

Well, we got out by 3:15 and were off to the game. My incredible mother-in-law met us and picked Ri up so he didn't have to go. She is amazing! We made it 15 minutes late. Erin looks great. She played well. They won 2-0 and we were able to take her to eat. Boy do I miss that girl!!! She really is doing amazing. College life is doing wonders for her.

I have wasted enough time on this computer. I need to take advantage of an empty house and go clean!

What a beautiful day it was today! God blessed us with a beautiful morning. Our boys were priceless. We got them up early, pushed them far quicker out the door then any of us had anticipated, and still..even after a few stressful moments...still they smiled and encouraged us. They were priceless. With cameras in their hands and 5 year olds by their side, they cheered their mom and dad on. Along with the kids, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law all showed up to encourage us. It was a great morning! The weather was incredibly gorgeous. It was kind of chilly, but nothing compared to what I was anticipating. The water was 70 degrees.

Mark and I really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It has been such a joy for me to listen to our boys. As I stood in the water, waiting for our turn, I looked around. There wasn't a sole in a normal bathing suit. Every participant was in racing suits or wet suits. I giggled because Mark and I stood out... me especially. I stood in a lime green, normal bathing suit... you know.. the kind you just go swimming at the pool in... NOT racing. But as Sam told me, I was easy to find. And as both our kids said (several times)... we stood out in every way.. we were very low tech. It's true. Nearly every participant had some form of racing gear. Their shorts, shirts, helmets, suits, and bikes were all pretty high tech. I noticed the bikes immediately when I placed mine on the rack next to everyone elses. They all had their bikes on the rack by the handle bars. All their bars curved and fit neatly over the rail. My handle bars are perfect for this old woman! They aren't curved, their isn't a place to rest my elbows as I race (I don't think my back could handle that). But that didn't bother me at all. I wasn't there to compete; only to reach my goal of finishing.

It was an incredible feeling. Difficult as all get out. And when I was finishing, I said to myself that I would never do this again. But by the time we sat down in the car, I was asking the boys to do it with us next year.

As for the race, I had a lead on Mark after the swim. He caught up to me by the end of the bike ride. We started running together. He could have easily pulled out and finished much faster and stronger; but he didn't. He refused to finish ahead of me. He is so precious! The running part was hardest on me, so he didn't leave my side. It was so cool to run with him. We did this to celebrate our 20th anniversary. As we ran, Mark reminded me of how much this triathlon compared too our marriage. He talked about so many different things, it was just very special to hear it while we ran it. Marriage is hard work. At times, it would be easy to quit. There are smooth roads, bumpy roads, and pretty darn nasty roads. But it is worth it. The hard work that you put in pays off. It can be exhilerating and frustrating and painful and fun... it is an amazing journey.

The kids decided to have a "dance party". It was so much fun to watch. Here is a glimpse into their imagination.

I was talking with one of my dearest friends this morning when she asked about the triathlon. Well.. it is on Sunday. I guess I am as ready as I will be; not that I am convinced that is a good thing. Last Thursday, Mark and i rode 15 miles and then ran 3.1 miles immediately after that. We had planned on swimming, but we missed the open swim time so we couldn't do it. We both survived the bike/run part. To my dismay, my husband beat me.... by quite a bit. But, I managed to complete both the bike and run, so I was happy. The swim part doesn't concern me too much, at least whether I can complete it or not. But the weather DOES cause me some alarm!!! I looked at the weather and it is suppose to be low of 52 and high of 71....at 8:20 in the morning, I am thinking it might be close to the 52 mark!!! We swim first and then bike 15 miles with a wet suit on. I picked up the instructions today and saw that they permit wetsuits (depending on the weather conditions). Well... 52 is COLD... but I do not have a wetsuit. Boy do I hate being cold@!!! I am dreading that temperature far beyond the actual race. I can't imagine standing in a swim suit getting ready to swim in those temps, let alone actually swimming .4 miles and then getting out and immediately bike at 15mph in a wet suit!!! So... pray...please... for warm temperatures!!

It seems to me that I should have all the time in the world to sit down and write. Writing is something I truly enjoy. I use to dream of writing a book one day. Someday, I just might. But, my focus is in way too many directions and blogging just isn't one of those places. Last night I was thinking about the blog and realized that it had been too long.... again. Then I thought of my girls and felt very guilty that I hadn't posted anything. For Emily, the blog is her connection back home. She checks it daily. I forget about that. I need to post more often for her.

Everyone is back in school and adjusting well. The two little ones absolutely LOVE Kindergarten. Elizabeth seems to be a different person. Many of you know her personally and know how she shuts down with people. She absolutely refuses to say hello or to speak when someone speaks to her or give hugs - even to family members(at least when any of us are around her). Something would trigger her and she would completely shut down. It happened even with her extended family members (whom she knows very, very well). But something has clicked in her. I don't know what, but something has happened. Since school has started, she has not refused to speak when someone speaks to her. She has stuck her hand out to shake the greeters at church, she has said hello to anyone who has said it to her, and she has run and jumped into the arms of her Aunt and Uncle without any reservation and with complete joy. She has hugged her grandparents with enthusiasm and even allowed a complete stranger to pick her up just because he asked her (while we were with her). She has even carried on conversations with people. It is unbelievable. Ri has made some changes as well. For him, routine is very, very important. For the first week, life was turned upside down. He had a hard time dealing with all the different things that had happened. Erin left, Emily left, he started school, we started babysitting in the afternoon.... life was kind of crazy. He absolutely loves school and thrives in the environment; but his behavior had become quite physical and somewhat (a lot) rebellious and angry. For Ri, this is kind of typical when he faces a severe change. I have watched it over the past 3 years. When things get turned upside down, he gets pretty aggressive. But, it has now been a couple of weeks and I see him making great strides in his behavior. He is calming down and not getting angry near as much. He is not as physical and his attitude towards everyone is getting back to our sweet little boy. It just takes him a little more time then most to adapt to changes. Poor little guy!
As for his health, we find out the results of his MRI next Tuesday. I am excited to see what the doctor has to say. This is the first "real" testing that he has had done since we brought him home. Oh, he has had an ultrasound and an EKG, but nothing more extensive.

Erin seems to be doing well in school. I think she likes it, though it is physically demanding on her body and she is exhausted. We discovered that she is low on iron and we are thinking it is adding to some of her exhaustion. We are hoping to have some testing done on her shoulder to find out if surgery is indeed necessary. Right now it is a matter of finding a doctor there that is on our insurance. Oh the joys of out-of-state colleges! I get to see her on Tuesday@!! YAY!!!!!! She is playing in Canton and Mark is letting me go! I can not wait to see her and I can not wait to see her play.... but mostly just to get a hug from my little girl and to see her in person. I miss her terribly.

Emily is my social butterfly and enjoying every minute of school. She seems to have found some study partners who are in her classes. She isn't studying with them just to be with them, but to truly study and do well. She is getting involved with things in the campus and is seemingly thriving. She misses Skyview and the entire atmosphere of it. She has changed her major to counseling and is enjoying that class (I think). She is busy with work and study and socializing, but always seems to make time to call mom. It is funny how different God has made each child. By the grace of God, I do not feel loved less by any of them despite the way they show their love. Erin and EMily are totally different in the way they express it. Erin is very independent and content with talking with us only when she needs us or after a several days (maybe even only because I have made her feel guilty). Emily knows how much I want to hear her voice, so she is very deliberate in calling me. But BOTH are precious and both love me and both are my baby girls and I miss both of them terribly!!!!

Sam is thriving in school right now. He is a member of student council and his class treasurer. He is on the varsity soccer team and in the marching band (a section leader). He is taking to KAP courses (college courses - Chemistry and History) and an Honors ENglish course. He is VERY, VERY busy. To top it off, he is working his tail off on having a good attitude around here. He is a pure joy. We are very proud of him and the young man he is becoming. I believe with all my heart that God grabbed ahold of him in a mighty way during that mission trip. It makes my heart skip.

And... I could not be more excited nor more proud of Jacob right now. A month ago, things were pretty tough. But God has placed his hand on Jacob's life; that, I am convinced of!!! Jacob has taken his challenges and struggles like a grown man. He has grabbed ahold of them and looked them straight on and plowed right through them. I am so very, very, very proud of him and how hard he has worked to get through each one. Adjusting back to school is not easy. He had some very difficult situations and is doing amazing with each one. Wow - I am such a very thankful mom today.

As I write, I get teary eyed just praising God for my 6 children and for what he is doing in each of their lives. I am truly amazed and so grateful! I can't imagine walking through this life without Him to lean on.

I feel sorry for the men and women who refuse to trust God, but even more for those who say it with their lips but their heart does not match up. It is so easy to say "I'm a Christian".... but saying it doesn't mean a thing. It is simply empty words and trusting in the words alone. Their is no peace, no satisfaction,... nothing but emptiness. Knowing God is where the peace comes from. I can't imagine how hard parenting would be without God. I have seen him answer countless prayers in the past 3 months. Why now??? Because, finally, I have learned to go to Him with more then a "thrown up prayer of hope". For years, my prayers have been simple "help me" prayers. But since I started running, my prayer life has changed and my intimacy with God has become where it once was. God is real. God hears prayers and God answers prayers. It gives me chills.

Sometimes, it is hard to please everyone. When you live in a family of 8, it is impossible to meet the needs and desires of each one. I am struggling with being stretched so far that I just can't do well in any area. I was so looking forward to having 4 hours in the morning to clean. It has been my longing all summer long. But in the 6 days of school, I have never had the entire time. I have had to run into town for groceries (I can't do it very easily with 3 five year olds) and I can't do it at night because of I am working out with Mark and he really doesn't have the desire nor the time to go to the store. The first day I ran into town to take pictures of the kids at school and get a haircut, when I got home, Mark had asked me to do the budget. So.. time gone. The next day, I had to go into town to finalize school supplies. The next day, I spent the day cleaning out our computer room - mainly filing and going through paperwork that had sat for months. Friday, I had to run into town to meet with the principal to try to help Jacob transition easier. Monday, I had an ALL day appointment at Children's to have Ri's MRI for his heart. I left at 7:30 and didn't get home until 4:00. Yesterday, I finally finished painting Erin's room for Jacob. So...I am a little disappointed in my inability to get done what I want to get done around here! I have got to figure out my time!!!

Emily has called and harassed me several times about not posting anything about her. I can only imagine how difficult it is being away from home and feeling like you are never thought of ... at least on the blog that is. She checks it every day. So she sent me a few pictures from her summer at skyview:







And then I took a couple off her facebook. The first one is of her suite mates in school. The second one is of Em and her roommate:



Emily is doing well .. at least that is what she tells us. She has been known to tell us great things when,in fact, she is struggling. But I think she is doing very well. She has a roommate this year. She was pretty anxious about that. She was very spoiled last year with having a room all by herself. But God has been faithful. She and her roommate really enjoy each other. This year, she plans on getting involved in campus life. I am very excited about that. God has done such incredible things in her life over the summer that I am excited to see what He has planned for her this school year. She has switched her major from missions/education to counseling with a missions minor. She really felt a confirmation of that after having spent the entire summer as a counselor at camp.

Emily has spoiled me, though. I am use to her making sure she talks to me at least once during the day. She loves to share with me what is going on in her life. Well..maybe not so much "loves" sharing... but she knows it makes me happy so she makes sure she keeps me posted on her life. She sends me little text messages now and then as well as calls when she is walking to work or sometime when she is bored. But... the downfall to that... is that God chose to have Erin go to school next.

Erin is not of the same mind as Emily! I am not yet convinced they share the same blood or family line. It can't be possible! We really don't hear much from Erin. We can text her and she may or may not respond. When we talk on the phone, the conversation is pretty one sided and doesn't really last long. What we can gather is that she is exhausted, her roommate is fine, soccer is hard (but good), she likes Houghton,classes are OK, and she is OK. She did call me yesterday and it was the first conversation I have had with her since she left in which she really shared with me what is going on in her life and how she is feeling. I loved every second of it! She has switched her major from pre-physical therapy to childhood education. She did it on her own, without consulting us. I am so proud of her. She knew what she wanted. This is her career, not ours. She did have to muster up the courage to tell us, though. She was a little concerned we would not be happy that she did not talk with us before hand. She seems to be really growing in Christ. For that I am forever grateful!

Well, I have to get kids on the bus. I just needed to post something for my girl.