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In 8 days, my kids go back to school. I hate this time of year. I hate it when they are in school. I have struggled ever since EMily walked into Kindergarten. I don't like the idea of someone else influencing my kids some 200+ days of the year for 7 hours a day. It just drives me crazy! There are excellent teachers of whom I trust completely to teach my children. But there are some who are down right horrible and don't belong in the school system. There are those that encourage my kids and there are those who completely destroy them. There are some whose morals and character are outstanding and they are great role models for our children and then there are those with so little character or morals that I dread my children ever being influenced by them.
Our children are grounded in the truth, but as our lives have become fuller, our teaching has become much more lax. It is so frustrating. I want them prepared to handled anything God allows to cross their paths, yet I feel as if I have failed in preparing them as I should. So, when school time comes around, I get a deep ache inside... one of sadness because I miss them, one of fear because of what I know they will face. It's not so bad when they are in elementary school, but as they enter middle school and high school, things change. Right now, Jacob will be dumped into a pool of rididule and cutting remarks from peers. He will be judged, criticized, ridiculed, harrassed, and who knows what else. Unless you are in the "elite", you will face some form of judgement from peers. It is just the middle school age. It depends on your strength on whether the critical remarks or jabbing from your peers causes you to become stronger or whether it gives you a complex and insecurity about who you are. I watched it in the other 3. By 7th grade, Emily was in a position of "counseling" friends who wanted to committ suicide, had been raped, were being abused, and a lesbian. The pressure on her was so great that in the 8th grade, we chose to homeschool her. It was the best decision I think we have ever made. She mentioned, yesterday, how she wouldn't trade that year for anything in this world. By 8th grade, Erin had been completely abandoned and ridiculed by her best friends. She had made a stand for Christ in 7th grade. I believe that the stand she made caused her to be separate form her peers and thus, she began to face much from those who were friends. It was an incredibly hard 8th grade year for Erin. If I had it to do all over again, I would have insisted on homeschooling her that year. But, she wanted to play basketball and "loved" school so much that she didn't want to be pulled out. You see, despite the difficulty the kids face, I think it was harder to imagine being so different as to be out of school for a year and then reenter. Sam had just as hard, if not harder, 7th and 8th grade year. Much was do to friends and to being "different". For our kids, they still have never seen an R rated movie (except for the Passion). They aren't allowed to go to someone's house that we do not know the parents or the kids. They aren't allowed to go to parties or run around all over where I have no clue where they are. They aren't allowed boyfriends or girlfriends until they are 16 years old. They don't swear, they are good students, and their mom shows up at school unexpectedly ALL the time. In a nut shell.. they are "weird" by the standards of most of their peers. I am greatful for the handful of friends that each have had that have the same standards, but oh how hard it is to be compared to what most of the other kids their age are allowed to do. Yes, we are different. Many think I am overprotective. In some ways, they are right. There are some things I am confident that I dont' allow just out of fear of how it will effect our kids. But the majority of things are out of love for them and love for God. What is difficult is that there are many things that are not black and white in the Bible. For some, it is perfectly fine to do things while others interpret the Bible completely different and it is not fine to do. I am sure that I have erred on both sides of the spectrum. I probably have kept our kids from doing things when it was totally fine for them to do while at other times I have probably allowed them to do things that God would frown upon. It is difficult. And ... I find that as the kids get older and are exposed to more and more things, it is much more difficult to be discerning and the decisions become more and more difficult to make. And.. with the addition of Ri and Elizabeth, ... my energy and thought process is so strained. What use to be black and white for me is now somehow become grey.
Wow -- did I rabbit trail or what? Sorry about that. I got to thinking about Jacob and middle school and off I went. Middle School is so hard. And, my precious Jacob, is so very, very different. He loves God with all that He has. He doesn't miss a day of reading his bible and if he has any doubt that something is something God commands him not to do... then he won't do it. He doesn't care what others think of him. It bothers him when kids swear, when they talk about perverted things, when they disrespect someone else, when they cheat or get away with cheating, when he is treated wrongly. And THAT describes the majority of Middle School kids in one way or another. Oh, there are some great kids, don't get me wrong. But, because Jacob thinks differently (and that IS an understatement) and because he looks at things is such a unique way, he is "different" from the "normal" 12 year old.
And let's not stop at Middle School. I have Sam entering into High School. Have you ever been in a locker room of High School boys? They are relentless. They have the ability to crush a kid with one single "blow". The comments they make towards other kids, especially the freshmen, is unbelievable. A junior on the soccer team didn't like that Sam got the ball away from him, so he tackled him and jammed his knee into his face. Now, was the knee incident an accident? Probably, but still... tackling him just because he got the ball away from him? So, without complaining, Sam took the tackle, faces the harassment daily, and realizes (or at least believes) that most of the upperclassmen hate the freshmen and freshmen are the target. And girls? Ha.. the drama in high school is incredibly ridiculous. Did I say ridiculous? That is an understatement. I can not believe how truly horrible it gets. Emily has faced more in high school then I think I have ever faced my entire life. Erin has witnessed to more kids then I think I have ever considered witnessing to. They deal with more then any of us adults could imagine. They live in another world then we did growing up. Oh, we faced drugs, teenage pregnancy here and there, a few "weird" kids, some who drank and smoked (the hoodlums as we called them), a bully now and then.... but have you stopped and walked the halls of a high school lately? Have you sat down and talked with a teenager and discovered some of the things that they deal with daily? Have you seen the things that use to shock you and I, that they take as "norm"? Today, homosexuality and bisexual is not a shock or rare, but somewhat normal, partying is normal, drinking is more common then uncommon, sex is part of a friendly relationship, living together is certainly normal while marriage is something you might "try". Abortions are the way to get rid of a problem and talked about openly. Drugs are easy to get, cheating is excepted, texting is the in thing while calling on the phone is out. IM and Facebook and Texting in the way to communicate. Talking about God is not allowed in the schools, unless you use the name before a curse word or use it as a curse word. Then it is perfectly fine for a teacher to speak it. Christianity is now something administrations fear to speak of while they openly and willing speak of other religions.
Ok.. I am on my soapbox. In a nutshell... I hate my kids being in this type of environment all day, 5 days a week for 9 months. It is hard on me. I can't take every battle on for them. They are on their own in many of the battles they face. I can only pray, and unfortuantely I seem to fail at praying for all they need. But.... God is alive, He is aware of ALL that my kids face, and He is their protector and their banner. If they hold Him as the banner as they face the battle, they will come out of the battle in a victory and more like Christ.
Ok.... enough. Sorry for the rambling.