I wanted to share some other things going on. Sam is finishing up drivers ed and will be able to get his license soon. He turns 16 on March 21st. He and Erin are both in the forum show tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. Sam is performing with the jazz band and Erin is performing in a senior skit. Jacob is finishing strong in school. He, Mark and I have been going to the Y a lot lately; trying to work out and get into shape. It has been so much fun. Mark and I usually head into the Y at night. It has been nice to spend time with him even though we are both just working out. I haven't really worked out in 18-19 years... so this has been a really cool experience for me. I have longed to get into some routine, but life has always dragged me away. We often take Elizabeth and Ri with us. They have a babysitting room that the kids seem to enjoy going into. They also have a kids' zone where they can climb a wall (thus the pictures). They LOVE It. We have been able to take the swimming a few times; they think that is the best.

Emily is coming home tomorrow! Yeah!!!!!! I can not wait to see my girl. I have not held her in my arms since January! Oh how my heart longs for her. The coolest thing in her life right now is that she was accepted as a counselor for SkyView Baptist Ranch. I am so EXCITED for her!!! She will be an incredible counselor. She called me the other night and told me that she has already begun a prayer journal for her girls. She is praying nightly for each camper that she will be in contact with. How cool is that!!! I know that when my kids went to camp, the counselor made or broke the experience. Jacob had horrible counselors and thus he hates camp and doesn't ever wnat to go back to Skyview. Emily had great counselors and loved it. Erin was her own child and made her experience despite the counselor. Sam had a good one once and horrible one another time. The horrible one put a bad taste in his mouth.

As for Elizabeth and her tonsils, we see the hematologist tomorrow. I will know more then. The other night, when we asked the kids if there was anything they needed prayer for, Elizabeth very sweetly said "yes, that I wil not be afraid to get my tonsils out". It was the most precious request that I have ever heard. It melted my heart (and broke my heart as well.. knowing she is afraid and knowing what lies ahead).

Which leads me to this morning.... I really could use some prayer. AS a parent, it is heart-wrenching to see your child hurt; especially when it is a hurt that you are unable to do anything about. If a child is physically hurt, all you want to do is fix that pain.. give them medicine, get them to the ER or a doctor, hold them all night be by their side as they go through the pain. There have been too many moments that my heart ached simply because my child was in pain. I remember a few very vivid moments when I was so terrified and so helpless..... When Sam was just born, Erin had a fever of 103-4 and very lithargic. We took her to the doctor and were told she had an ear infection or something like that. The next day, she had sores in her mouth and was very miserable. Sam was only a week old and she was kissing him all over. We found out she had a virus that was very dangerous to Sam. She ended up with 40-50 sores in her mouth, down her throat... it was horrible. SHe was in MISERY for 2 weeks. I begged the doctors to admit her to the hospital because I was so helpless in relieving her pain. And to top it off, I had to keep her away from SAm. Anytime I held her, I had to scrub down before holding Sam. I was ripped apart; longing to take away her pain and terrified that Sam would contract it. Another vivid memory was when Jacob had a fever trapped in his body. He was shaking horribly, but no fever. Within an hour, his fever was nearly 106. The doctor described it as trapped in him and commenting how strong he must be to have endured that heat inside his brain. And when Emily was only 10 months old, she experienced the same spiked fever... from normal to 105 in less then an hour. She ended up needing surgery for her kidneys. At 4, she had to have emergency surgery for mastoiditis. I found out after the surgery how sick she really was when the doctor called at 1:00 in the morning to check on her. He told me that the infection was heading into her brain and we had just caught it in time. I remember the terror when Elizabeth had her first seizure and stopped breathing for a few seconds (hours to me) and the shaking of her little body... and the ambulance ride. And the horrible moments when I discovered Sam's foot staked to the ground and seeing the fear and pain in his eyes. Oh how it rips a parents heart out when your child is hurting.

And despite the pain I feel when my child is sick and I am helpless... I haven't decided which is worse: when they are sick or when they are emotionally devastated. Both rip me apart. The physical sickness often causes me more fear and concern. The emotional pain nearly destroys me. My heart aches so deep for my child. It is a different kind of heartache then when my child is sick. And right now, I have one child who is experiencing some VERY difficult things in their life. It isn't anything that I would want to share here, but I would ask for prayer. My heart is aching in ways I can't really explain. I am helpless except for prayer. Prayer is the answer, but sometimes it doesn't seem to be enough. I can't grab ahold of prayer. I know that be in the presence of God is the answer and that prayer is when I am in His presence... but right now it hasna't seemed to take that pain away for my child nor for me. It will; that I am confident of. I know that Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for the good for those who are called according to his purpose. I know it and I believe it. But I haven't yet felt it in this situation. I know I will, but when my child is hurting more then I have ever seen them hurt and for longer then I care to think... I feel helpless and I ache. So.. please pray for me. I need wisdom, godly words, godly actions, and a mothers love that is unfailing in a childs eyes. And PLEASE pray for this child. Growing up is not easy. Most of us have all felt the pain that my child feels, and I am confident that none of us want to experience it. It is part of growing up; but it is a part that is hard and sometimes can send you in the wrong directions. My child knows and loves God. THey are His child and He has a plan and a purpose for their life.



Well, that is about it for now. Have a blessed day.