Berry Picking... Ri discovers a new world.

We enjoyed a nice walk last night. The berries are just coming out. Picking berries is one of Elizabeth's favorite things to do and now that Ri has tasted berries... I think it has quickly become his favorite thing too! Of course, Daddy and Sam picked the berries, Elizabeth enjoyed filling the bowl and Ri just simply inhaled them!

I received an email this morning filled with many questions and thoughts. A precious friend of mine asked some serious questions about being a mom of so many kids. Well, I have thought about it a lot. I guess my biggest thought is that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had. It is the most rewarding, but definitely the most challenging. It scares me to death to think of the awesome responsibility that God has given me. There are times that I have wanted to run away. If my guilt would not overcome me, the pain of not having my children would have! As much as I wanted to run, I would have died with heartache ... knowing that I ran from the ones I loved the most; knowing that my children were without me. I remember one very tough week, when the kids were younger and I was overwhelmed with demands. I literally wanted to run away so that I wouldn't hear the word "mommy" one more time. A day filled with little ones at my feet yelling "Mommy" because their sibling was "bothering" them, and "mommy, I need ..." and "Mommy, can I?" and tears because they couldn't have something or tears because someone did something to them, and whining because they couldn't say words and whining because they were tired and... and... and... AND remembering thinking and knowing that if I DIDN'T hear the word "Mommy", my heart would be broken forever! It was a difficult time, yet looking back on it, I treasure it all.

It isn't any easier now. My 4 that whined and cried and fought and hugged me and kissed me and yelled "Mommy" and ran and played and made tons and tons of noise and curled up in my lap for books and loved to have me sing them to sleep and.. and... and..... WELL, they are growing up! They still whine and cry and fight.. but it is different now. It is a teenage whine, a teenage cry, a teenage fight. They still kiss me and hug me.. though now it may not be as public as it use to be. It may not be on a whim and just because they see me, but it still happens. The talks of bugs and the things God has made and ooeey gooeey things have now become talks about boys, life, love, growing up, and deeper things of God. The days of putting them in time out have changed to taking cell phones and IM away or other creative ideas. It isn't easier. It use to be physically draining on me.. chasing after little ones and constantly meeting their physical demands. Now... it is emotionally draining.. trying to think one step ahead of them (and boy are they sharper then me!), trying to figure out what will harm them and what is ok for them to do. Constantly weighing things out to make sure that I am not so strick as to push them away and yet strict enough to stay true to God's word. Boy is it emotionally more difficult.

And now.. I have the joy.. AND the pains, of both kinds of raising kids. I have 3 teenagers who are in full swing, one pre-teen and 2 toddlers. I am physically whiped out simply because the toddlers keep me moving and I am so much older. I am emotionally whiped out because the teenagers keep me moving AND I am so tired. BUT... when the day is done and often, even in the middle of the day, I can sit back and praise God. I can't imagine my life without even one of the kids. I wouldn't change a thing .... .except maybe ask God why He didn't give me more hours in my day and more energy :)

I treasure these precious kids. No matter how tough it is, by the grace of God alone, I will never, EVER, run away. There may be times I want to, but when I check in each of their rooms at night and I see them sleeping.... OH HOW MY HEART PITTER PATTERS WITH LOVE! Oh how they can make me melt. Oh how they can remind me of God's love for me and God's ever present grace!