I have posted in the past that there are times in my life when I know I have seen the hand of God. There is no doubt whatsoever. Those moments are not often. Oh.. I know God is working and I know that He is there, but so often and without knowing it, I can justify some other thing. With my head, I acknowledge God, but somehow I think I do it more often because I know God is real and working rather then really KNOWING and believing that it is God who is working. So many things can be "justified" through some circumstance.

I was talking to my mother-in-law Friday about prayer. I was really struggling about my prayer with God regarding the water situation. My words said "I know that God is able and can supply the water we need", but in my heart I was wondering if he would. Because of my walk with God, I am very aware that God's answer to prayer is often NO. I am ok with NO. But because I know that he says NO to things I pray about, I began to wonder if his answer would be no to providing water through digging our well deeper. We have questioned for a long time if we should dig deeper or dig a new well. There is no guarantee of finding more water when you dig...either way. The only thing we knew was if we dug a new well, it would cost us, possibly, over $4000 more. We have wrestled with this quesion for a few years,.. especially this past year. That is one thing that has kept us from doing anything - not knowing the right answer.

So.. after praying about this for months and because the expenses of 2 surgeries and 2 college tuitions are just around the corner, we opted to dig deeper. But once our digger began digging, he shook his head and said "it doesn't look good" but kept saying... "we're going to dig and see if we can get you a little more water". Now our digger is of the old school. He says it like it is,... with a lot of "gruffness" behind each answer. He doesn't tip-toe around anything and doesn't soften his answers (which I always want him to do) so you have to be careful not to get totally depressed when he shakes his head or says something like that.

All that said... on Friday night, I began to wrestle with my faith. I wondered if I was just saying that I believed God could do it. Did I really believe he could? Sure, I knew his answer could be no, but was I ... at all... believing that he could give me water or was I just trusting in the digger and the ground below? I couldn't decide if I was a Pharisee or like the disciples. Was my faith only through words and actions (like the Pharisee's) because it was the right thing to do or say? Or was it like the disciples of whom Jesus said had little faith? Oh how I struggled with my heart. As I fell asleep, the well was on my mind. I had a fitful night sleep - getting angry that we were digging deeper and not a new well... wrestling with my faith.... not believing that we could ever find water again... and feeling trapped in a house that we could never sell because it had no water and never would. I laid awake for hours (it seemed)... wrestling with my thoughts and my prayers to God. I cried out several times only to be faced with my own doubt on whether God would answer it with more water.

So, I shared my heart with my mother-in-law. In her wisdom, she listened and helped me work through those thoughts. Within 1/2 hour, my digger shared with me that he had seen water 20 feet from the surface in the morning. I had hope.. again. I started feeling stronger in my faith (see... circumstances effected me!), and as the day progressed,we had hope. At the end of the day, the well had been dug 50 feet deeper and we had more water. The digger pumped the well out and after 25 minutes of running the water at 10 gallons per minute, it ran dry. I was happy to see much more water... but sad to see that it ran dry in 25 minutes. But the digger put a flow valve on it that slowed the flow down to 5 gallons per minute. We only waited 10 minutes from the time the well ran dry to trying it again. At 5 gallons per minute, it ran for 17 minutes or so. We watched it slow down. I began to run to shut the pump off when the digger told me to wait. We watched it slow down... almost stop .. and then go back to the normal pressure. What was happening was our well was able to catch up. The flow had been slowed down enough that the well wasn't running out of water and was able to replenish itself before it ran dry. So.. he hooked a hose up to it, slowed it down to 2-3 gallons per minute and ran the how ALL NIGHT LONG! After experiencing what we have experienced for the past few years... that was a shock to me. I woke up and checked the water in the middle of the night; fearing that the well had run dry and our pump would burn out. I was in complete awe of God. The hose never stopped pumping water out of the well! I couldn't help but praise God over and over and over again! It was a moment where I really felt like the hand of God was right there; almost visibly.

Since then, we have been able to run our softner, do as many loads of laundry, take showers, and run our dishwasher twice a day..... and haven't had ANY water issues at all. Our softner is a little out of whack and we are getting some water that is a little salty now and then... but we have water and I am still praising God! Hopefully, we can work out the softner problems and be in great shape.

I promised myself that my next post will be all about Sam. I want to take some time to focus on him... but instead, I need to ask for some prayer. As I write, we have someone digging deeper in our well, in search of more water. My prayer is that he will hit a huge vein of water and not have to go more then 50 feet to hit it. God has certainly taken care of us and we have had all the water that we have needed. Sometimes, we think we need more then we have, but God has truly been gracious to give us what we have had. We have wrestled with whether we needed to spend the money or not. We have tried to make due and have learned to conserve. But, we have felt that we really wouldn't be wise waiting much longer. Our water has decreased so much that I can't do more then 2 loads of laundry in a day and each of us take showers and do the dishes by hand. REcently, we have ran out even sooner and it has taken much longer to replenish. So, if you will, please pray for success. My God is able to do anything.

My daughter asked me why I hadn't posted anything about our weekend. I simply ran out of time and hadn't gotten back on. I was more consumed by my thoughts on rejoicing and I completely forgot my thoughts on the weekend. We had an amazing time with the girls over the weekend. It was way too short, but it always is.

We arrived on campus just a few mintutes after Em arrived. Erin's game was ready to begin, so we immediately headed for the field. It was fun to be there together. Sam was the only one missing... and boy did we miss having him. It just didn't seem complete. Houghton played the Naz and won! Erin starts every game, though she is usually taken out during the first half for 10-15 minutes. Sometimes less, sometimes longer. The first half, she was out for 15-20 minutes (just after we got there). But the 2nd half, she played nearly the entire half. She is looking very strong. It was fun to watch her making plays. She is so gifted with her footwork. I haven't quite figured out if she is taken out for rest, because she isn't playing well, or to protect her from injuries. Her body is taking some beatings and it is not holding up as well as we all would like for it to. She seems to be taken out more often when the team is ahead. On Saturday's game, she was left in nearly the entire game (and it went into 2 overtimes). But during Saturday's game, her shoulder popped out. None of us could figure out what happened (the coach included). We all figured she got hit hard, but all that happened was she turned quickly. It came out while she was running! Yikes! So... she has an appointment with a doctor tomorrow and, hopefully, we should find out what damage we are looking at. In the meantime, I think the coach is using her when he needs her and taking her out when they are ahead. I could be wrong, though... Houghton is a very good team with excellent soccer players. I could just be a proud mama who is giving excuses for her girl. In my eyes... She is the best! But I am kind of partial! :)

Emily was amazing. She looks fantastic. She looks at peace and excited about life. It was so much fun spending time with her. She makes us smile. I have missed her smile and her tenderness. 8 weeks is just too long! It is so cool to see what God has done in her life over the past 6 months. Whenever I doubt prayer, I need to look in the face of my little girl. God has done amazing things in Emily's life.

The girls were precious with Elizabeth, Ri and Jaoob. Mark and I both were in awe of how much Emily and Erin have grown up and developed into beautiful, Godly young women. Wow - Just when I think that I have ruined their lives by being a horrible example/ mom ... God reminds me that He has them in His hands and HE is molding them to be the woman HE desires! I really have nothing to do with it.

Oh how I love fall! Yesterday, I was waiting for the kids to come home on the bus and I was just struck with the incredible beauty all around me. Wow! Hasn't God blessed us? It was then that I began to think of some things. I run out of water every day. We even stopped recycling our water automatically and only recycle it once a week or so. I have now stopped using my dishwasher and wash my dishes by hand. Our showers are short and sweet. But after 4 showers over a 2 hour period and 2 loads of laundry, I am usually facing an empty well. It used to take only 1/2 hour or so to fill up... but now it is taking a much, much longer time. Even then, it usually stops if I do much at all. And... recently... I have been faced with much more laundry then usual. So, I have found myself with more moments then I care to admit... tempted to break down sobbing rather then rejoicing. But yesterday, I found myself beginning to think about God's true gifts. Sure - I could complain and grumble... but really... why? God has given us plenty of water. We have just what we need to survive. Warren Barfield came to our church a few months ago and shared a story of a mission trip he went on in another country (can't remember the country). A small boy (5 or 6 years old or so) had a job for his family. He had to travel miles down (and back up) a steep hill to a place in the mountain that everyone in the valley got their water from. There were lines of people, everyday, who stood for their turn to fill up a gallon jug of water just so their family could survive. After waiting hours to fill up his jug, he would have to walk back up the mountain to take it home... only to turn around the next day and do it all over again. Now I may not be remembering the details exactly accurate... but you get my point. All I have to do is turn the faucet on and my water is there. And when it isn't, I just have to wait a few hours to have more come. But how can I complain? There are so many people in the world who don't have even one blanket to keep them warm. Who am I to look in the face of God and grumble? I am humbled and ashamed at that thought. I complain at the little inconveniences in my life rather then rejoice in them. I am so blessed to have the laundry that I have, to have the water that I have, to have the things I have. Even in the darkest of any moment in my life..... I still have far more then the millions who face "real" darkness in their lives. Those who are fearing for their lives, daily, due to war or poverty or sickness; those who have no fresh water or have to travel miles to retrieve any, those who have no shelter over their heads or those who are facing broken homes or the lost of a loved one. And even in all these things I mentioned, there are believers who are rejoicing and not complaining. Believers who have found their strength in Christ and who have found true peace. Their circumstances have not caused them to give up; instead, they have drawn nearer to Christ. Just look at Paul and his life. Read about Paul and Silas in Acts 16.

changes coming

Well, some of you have already figured there has been a problem to the blog. That is true. The other day, I shut it down and only decided to allow those of you that I know personally. The problem is, I am not sure who all follows my blog so I could not include everyone. After Emily called, panicked, I decided that I need to warn you before I shut it down. So, I reopened it. Eventually, I plan on shutting it down completely. I can't do that until I copy everything I have written into a book.... so I may be a little while. In the mean time, if you want to be added to my list of people who have the permission to follow, then email me. If you do not have my email address, then add a comment below so I know you want to follow.

Why am I doing this? Well... I'm not 100% sure why. I just have an unsettling feeling and whenever I begin to feel it, I want to remove every picture of my child off this internet world. I'm torn about it. I love blogging and I my daughter loves checking it. It is one way that she stays in touch with her family. For that reason, alone, I want to leave it up. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I just am not sure. But for now, I am extending a warning or an explanation ahead of time. I will keep you posted as to when I finally decide I am shutting it down.

I am constantly looking for ways to save money. A site that I have recently discovered is called groupon and it has daily specials that are tailored for your city (or a city close to you). I have found several really good deals for restaurants, movies, salon treatments, services and products, etc... it seems like an incredible site. I have been watching it for weeks now. There have been lots of times that I have thought about it, but just never really purchased anything because I really didn't have a need. There were restaurants that I would like to try sometime, but I knew Mark and I wouldn't make it there for awhile. I have been keeping an eye out for "gift" ideas through it. Today, I finally bit the bullet and bought something. When I checked out, it gave me a code for me to share the site with anyone who might be interested. I get $10.00 if you buy something from it. Now... don't go buy anything for that reason. But I would encourage you to sign up and keep an eye out. There really may be something that you could save money on. And if you do buy, then you will be blessed to have saved money and I will be blessed to have referred you. Here is the site:
http://www.groupon.com/r/uu9055645 You will notice that the city that pops up is Orlando. What you would want to do is go to the part on the site that has other cities. When you find your city, just click on it and the deal for your city will come up. You can buy deals from other cities, just make sure that it is a deal that you can use. The http address I gave you is specific so that they can track that it came from me, I guess that is what the uu905565 number is at the end. That is pretty cool. The other site that you may want to keep an eye on is my friends blog: www.findsforfriends.blogspot.com She has been posting lots and lots of coupons and deals that she has discovered. Recently, she posted for a free photo book (right down my alley) code. Anyway - I just wanted to pass on some of the fun ways to save money. In this economy (and especially with Christmas coming up), any way to save money is a blessing!

I get to see my girls this Friday! Yay!! I can not wait. It feels like forever since I've seen them. I haven't seen Emily in 6 weeks and I've only seen Erin for a brief few hours. Things are pretty routine around here. Elizabeth and Ri absolutely love kindergarten. Jacob has settled into a normal life of high school. He is trying to get involved through clubs. He is getting all A's, so I guess the transition (academically) hasn't been bad. Sam is very, very involved in school. He has very little time to call his own. Unfortunately, his grades, at this moment, are beginning to reflect that. The challenges of college courses are really being put in his face and he is realizing it takes a little more effort then high school courses do.

As for everything else, all is well. I just heard a few minutes ago that it is a go for Ri's procedure. The doctor who reviewed everything said that it doe appear that a cath needs to be done to the Left pulmonary artery. He stated that he wants to see what is needed once he can get into it. He also is somewhat concerned about his right pulmonary artery and would like to evaluate it during the procedure as well. We knew it did not look good, but the heart doctor did not indicate that we were going to do anything to that one. So, now I just have to decide if I want to meet with the doctor who is going to do the catheter before hand so that he can explain everything to us or just go in and have it done. We still do not have anything scheduled. They don't schedule it until the doctors office calls to let me know that it is a go. We are definitely looking a month or 2 down the road. We are hoping for the week before Christmas. That way Sara's mom does not have to find a babysitter and Emily and Erin will both be here. It was hard on them to not be at the hospital for Elizabeth when she had the surgery on her hand and then on her tonsils.

Emily has not stopped talking about Skyview Baptist Ranch. She aches to be back there. It is as if it is part of her blood now. She can't say enough about her boss, the staff she worked with, the kids she had in her cabins, and the way she experienced God. I would not be surprised at all if God calls her into some kind of camp ministry. It seems to be her deepest love right now.

And guess what was going on at Skyview this past weekend? A ladies retreat! When I read it in the bulletin, I instantly wanted to go. I spent hours in prayer for the camp this summer as I prayed for Emily and each of her kids. I lifted up the director, the speakers, the counselors, the staff... the entire camp daily. It is the first thing outside my family that I have ever prayed for so consistently and so intensely. By the end of the summer, my love for the camp was so deep that I longed to be a part of it. But.. since I am 47 years old and a mom of 6 kids and a wife to an amazing husband... I don't see that I will be a good candidate for a counselor position or a staff job. So when I saw that there would be a ladies retreat, I ached to attend.

I hesitated because of some circumstances, but my husband wanted to bless me. He insisted that I go. Unfortunately, the one weekend it fell on was the weekend that Mark had to work overtime and the boys had marching band. But God is so wonderful. My mother-in-law was more then willing to take the kids for me. They spent the night on Friday and they spent most of the day with her on Saturday.

So I was able to go. I had been looking forward to fellowship with woman and a time of being fed... but I think mostly I was looking forward to just being at Skyview.
And ... to my great joy.. it was all that I had hoped for and more. The last retreat I attended at Skyview was over 10 years ago. It use to be that Skyview ministered to everyone except for the ladies. Skyview had been in charge of everything for the kids, families and mens camps/retreats... but when it came to the ladies retreats, they only opened up the camp and cooked the food. If there was going to be a retreat, the ladies from one church would be in charge of everything from the speaker, the sessions, the planning... everything. Overtime, we got resentful and eventually just quit going. Ladies need ministered to just as much as everyone else. In fact, sometimes we need ministered to even more. I am not sure why Skyview made that decision long ago. I am sure there was a legitimate reason for it. The ladies who attended were always blessed.

Four years ago, there were some changes made at the camp. The director left and a new one was hired. Sometimes having fresh ideas and fresh people will often cause changes. Well, for me, the changes have been amazing. I had loved Skyview and Mark and I insisted that our kids go when they were younger. We never missed the mens or womans retreat. But overtime, experiences made me not desire my kids to attend. We stopped sending our kids and we stopped attending the retreats. Over the summer, God changed my heart and I couldn't wait to experience, for myself, what God had done at Skyview.

And boy was I not disappointed. From the moment we drove up, I could sense that the retreat was going to be like nothing I had experienced there before. The theme was "once upon a time" and the camp staff was awaiting the arrival of the princesses of the kingdom. Standing at the door, holding it open, were two men dressed in black slacks, a white shirt and a tie with smiles and assurances that they were there to take care of each and every princess. One of the men was the actual camp director. THe other was a young man that Emily had worked with all summer and who recently has gone to work fulltime at the camp. They were both playing their role beautifully. We walked into the chapel/dining hall to hanging "silk" curtains and a real "princess"... dressed in the most beautiful gown awaiting to sign us in. The tables had the best table cloths, wine glasses (for the ambiance only - and to put our tea/pop/water in) and real plates with a tiara waiting to be placed on the head of every princess. After we checked in, we went to our cabins to find all the flavored beverages, fruits, cookies, granola bars that we could want. We knew we were in for a treat. The dinner was amazing. Every volunteer and staff member was dressed to serve the princesses. After dinner, we were "fed" the word of God and learned about a real simple and humple woman who became a queen and how she was used by God. Then we were treated to a concert followed by all the chocolate our hearts desired. Throughout the evening there were opportunities for massages and facials.

The weekend continued in the same fashion. It was amazing. There is so much that could be said. I praise God for the opportunity I had to experience Skyview. Even more, I praise him for the joy I had, the way my family encouraged me and loved me, for the fellowship and fun, for the word of God that was preached and the speaker who delivered His message, for the AMAZING volunteers that served us and that I had the joy of getting to know, for the camp director and his wonderful family and for the deep love that I have for a camp that God is using to change the lives of all that have the joy of experiencing it.

Well, it looks like we will be spending another night at the hospital. THis time, for Ri. We had his MRI on his heart done 2 weeks ago. It is the first time they have done anything more extensive then an echo. When we went for the follow up, we were suppose to just see the doctor for the results and have an EKG ran. The appointment was at 1:00. It tried to reschedule it because Erin was going to be playing in Canton at 5:00. From Children's it would take me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get there but Ri did not want to go, so I had planned on taking him home before we headed out (which meant I had to leave Children's by 2:00. We were the first appointment of the afternoon and they assured me that it should be pretty simple. We showed up 1/2 hour early in hopes to have his EKG ran earlier and then be out pretty quick. When we were taken back, I asked the nurse if she felt we could be out by 2:00 (It was 1:10 by then). She looked at the orders and said she doubted it since an echo took at least 30 minutes. An echo? What was that all about. I asked her why an echo was being run since they told me only an EKG. She thought maybe just because it was time for a normal, thorough exam. I accepted that, but was a little leary (not to mention a bit upset that my time was now going to be REALLY pushed). They immediately ran his EKG and within a minute, we were off to the echo. We were in the echo by 1:15. I still had hopes to be out the door by 2:00. Sure enough, the echo took 1/2 hour (every bit of it). It was the most extensive echo I have seen done on him. The tech assured me that this is the type she ALWAYS does on kids. I don't remember that at all. That last ones were very quick and the measuring and every picture I saw was much more extensive on this one. Still, I figured it was ok. She got done and told Ri how well he did. She told him to sit still, she thought he was done, but she would have to make sure the doctor was happy with the pictures and didn't want anything else done. Five minutes later, he was rolled back on his side and we were taking another 15 minutes of pictures. Now it was after 2:00. So much for being out the door in time to not have to take Ri to the game. But, I had hopes we would be out by 2:30-2:45 at the latest. On to our room. The nurse came in and listened,for a very very long time, to Ri's heart. That was new. By this time, I have the picture that something was up and we were not looking at the yearly "clean bill of health" comment.

The doctor came in and for the first time, ever, was just as nice and normal as could be. In the past, he has been arrogant and somewhat degrading to me. In fact, I had asked for a different doctor, but when scheduled the appointment, it was with him. He sat down and started talking to Ri and listening to his heart. Ri was getting anxious and a little wound up due to all the waiting and examining. The doctor gently held him and asked him if he would be able to find something to do quietly so that he could talk to me. Ok.. big clue that something is up! He sat down and went over his EKG, sharing with me what they would normally be looking for and how Ri's peak was not reaching where it should. Then he went on to share with me that we had already known of his narrowing arteries and pulmonary stenosis and that was all to be expected with a TOF kid after repair. He explained that on the echo and the MRI, there is evidence that one of the chambers has a pressure of 90/50 when it should be 90/20 or 30 (can't remember). He said, "still, that isn't something to be terribly concerned about". He explained that 2 of the 3 main arteries measure 7 millimeters (I am not sure what the normal measurement should be ... either 10 or 20, but I am thinking 10). He expects that with Ri. But his third artery measures only 3 mm. This is where the concern is. The blood can't flow into that cavity easily and so it is flowing into another cavity causing the 90/50 pressure.

My numbers could be way off. I told the doctor that I probably will not be able to remember all that he tells me. He told me that if I talk to 10 doctors, 5 would say to do nothing and watch him. They would rather wait and see how he does. If he gets worse, then we would do something. I think he might have been with those doctors a few years ago when he told us to wait. He said, then, that Ri looked way too good to touch. He said yesterday that Ri looks great. His heart sounds just how they would expect it to be. If a teacher were to watch him, they would not be able to tell the difference between him and a normal heart child. His activity level should be just like everyone elses. It is, but he gets tired far quicker then any of the other kids. He gets winded easily and flushed easily. But still, that doesn't concern him. But he says that what they seem to be finding is that for the adults whom were just like Ri.... the kids they said "let's wait and watch him" so that we don't have to go in a couple of times... when they go in as adults to put a stint in or repair, then they are finding that the one lung has not developed appropriately and is much smaller. They are begin to think that if they go in now, then the lung will develop as it should. The problem with going in now is that they will have to go in again in 5-6 years and do it again. So we put him at risk each time. But, the risks seems to be one that the benefits are far better then the risks.

So... could you pray for us to have wisdom and for Ri's heart. At this point, we are planning on having the procedure done. The doctor is sending the results to the 2 doctors that actually would be doing the procedure. In a couple of weeks, they will contact us to set up something if they agree. If we do have it done, he will be in the hospital for one night and then restricted to low activity (ha... do they understand who Ri is?) for 2 days (no school).... providing we have no complications to the procedure.

Well, we got out by 3:15 and were off to the game. My incredible mother-in-law met us and picked Ri up so he didn't have to go. She is amazing! We made it 15 minutes late. Erin looks great. She played well. They won 2-0 and we were able to take her to eat. Boy do I miss that girl!!! She really is doing amazing. College life is doing wonders for her.

I have wasted enough time on this computer. I need to take advantage of an empty house and go clean!

What a beautiful day it was today! God blessed us with a beautiful morning. Our boys were priceless. We got them up early, pushed them far quicker out the door then any of us had anticipated, and still..even after a few stressful moments...still they smiled and encouraged us. They were priceless. With cameras in their hands and 5 year olds by their side, they cheered their mom and dad on. Along with the kids, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law all showed up to encourage us. It was a great morning! The weather was incredibly gorgeous. It was kind of chilly, but nothing compared to what I was anticipating. The water was 70 degrees.

Mark and I really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It has been such a joy for me to listen to our boys. As I stood in the water, waiting for our turn, I looked around. There wasn't a sole in a normal bathing suit. Every participant was in racing suits or wet suits. I giggled because Mark and I stood out... me especially. I stood in a lime green, normal bathing suit... you know.. the kind you just go swimming at the pool in... NOT racing. But as Sam told me, I was easy to find. And as both our kids said (several times)... we stood out in every way.. we were very low tech. It's true. Nearly every participant had some form of racing gear. Their shorts, shirts, helmets, suits, and bikes were all pretty high tech. I noticed the bikes immediately when I placed mine on the rack next to everyone elses. They all had their bikes on the rack by the handle bars. All their bars curved and fit neatly over the rail. My handle bars are perfect for this old woman! They aren't curved, their isn't a place to rest my elbows as I race (I don't think my back could handle that). But that didn't bother me at all. I wasn't there to compete; only to reach my goal of finishing.

It was an incredible feeling. Difficult as all get out. And when I was finishing, I said to myself that I would never do this again. But by the time we sat down in the car, I was asking the boys to do it with us next year.

As for the race, I had a lead on Mark after the swim. He caught up to me by the end of the bike ride. We started running together. He could have easily pulled out and finished much faster and stronger; but he didn't. He refused to finish ahead of me. He is so precious! The running part was hardest on me, so he didn't leave my side. It was so cool to run with him. We did this to celebrate our 20th anniversary. As we ran, Mark reminded me of how much this triathlon compared too our marriage. He talked about so many different things, it was just very special to hear it while we ran it. Marriage is hard work. At times, it would be easy to quit. There are smooth roads, bumpy roads, and pretty darn nasty roads. But it is worth it. The hard work that you put in pays off. It can be exhilerating and frustrating and painful and fun... it is an amazing journey.