Well, last weekend was an emotional weekend for me. Nothing happened, I just felt overwhelmed with life. I really haven't had the ability to recover from our trip. The exhaustion and the demands of being a mother to 3 teenagers, one preteen and 2 toddlers had finally "pushed me over the edge". But, God has blessed me with the most incredible husband in the world and 4 very passionate and loving children (the 2 little ones are too, but they are not very sensitve to Mom's breakdowns). They all patiently took care of mom for a day. It was so wonderful! I guess every now and again, it's ok to admit that life is hard... as long as I remember to go God's feet and rest there!

All that to say that digital scrapbooking is very therapeutic to me. I have spent a few hours at this computer playing with my pictures. Above are the results of my "alone" time.

Ok, this isn't near as cute as it was when I caught her doing it! The kids have discovered the joy of sidewalk chalk. Sam had Elizabeth lay down and he drew around her so that the outline of her body would be on the ground. SHe thought that was VERY cool. I looked outside the other night and this is what I saw. She had made Sam lay down and then she tried very hard to do his outline. When she got to his head, she physically picked it up so that she could draw it. Too cute!
I am not sure who the artist is, but I loved it. It is hard to tell, but it is a picture of our family. Each figure has a name above it. They drew it in order. If you look closely, you can see that there are 2 very small figures at the end of the line. Yep.. they are Ri and Elizabeth!
At bedtime the other night, I walked into the kids room and found Ri sitting (almost) on Elizabeth's lap. She had her arms around him and was actually reading a book to him. It was adorable. By the time I got the camera, he was not as patient as he had been. Finally, as evidence of the picture below, he had had enough. Everytime he would move, Eliabeth would grab him and force him back on her lap and then would procedd to put the book in his face. Unfortunately, because her arms just aren't long enough, she would hit him in the head just about everytime!

Both the kids have discovered the joy of crawling into the toy box. They thnk they are bigtime stuff and squeal and jump and giggle. Last night, the boys were outside playing. When the kids heard them, they both turned around and peaked out the window yelling hi. It was just too cute.



Ri is adjusting so well, it's as if he has always been with us. As we were walking down the road last night, I was watching Elizabeth with him. It seems as if she really enjoys having him, as if he is her best friend. It is very cute to watch her with him. Of course, there are many, many times of fighting and screaming. Often, she leads the play. He follows her and mimicks much of what she does. He isn't able to keep up with her physcially, but boy does he try! As she is running ahead, she will stop and look back to make sure that he is coming. If we are doing anything fun, she almost always makes sure that Ri is around for it. And Ri seems to feel the same about her. They seem to be so good for each other. I praise God for that. I know that He has brought them together!

Elizabeth's EEG was fine. I guess that simply means that the seizures are due to fever. That is a good thing! Hopefully she will outgrow them. I am so thankful for 6 healthy children. Please pray for Emily and Erin this week. They are on a mission trip in the inner city of Philidelphia.

Erin and Elizabeth enjoyed a little time with chalk the other day. They became quiet the buddies during it.

Praise God.. Ri's report

Sometimes I am so in awe of God that it takes my breath away. To my shame, it doesn't happen as often as it should. I tend to take God and all that He has given me for granted. It is in the times of awe that He brings me back to remembering that I should have that awe ALL the time, not just fleeting moments, not just when He has shown me His truths or His faithfulness, not just when things are incredible or even just good, but ALL the time.

Yesterday, I was reminded that God sometimes allows things to happen that just don't make sense. As we were praising God for Ri's incredible report, our precious friends who were expecting twins, were given the news that the little ones were gone. My heart was aching. It was strange for me to experience such joy and such sadness all at the same moment. So as I laid down for bed, I pondered on life. I thought about the things that don't make sense. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. There are those who don't live for God, those who hate God, those who could care a less about God... all who seem to never go through tough times. There are those who walk close to God, serve God, love Him with all of their hearts, who sacrifice for Him... who have very tough things happen to them. There does not seem to be a rhyme or reason for what happens to people. And then I was reminded that God I don't need to understand the "whys". I just need to trust Him through every good and bad moment. I shouldn't compare what happens in my life to someone else and ask why. I just need to be in His hands, believing that He has a plan and a purpose. It goes back to the verse that has become my favorite verse in the Bible.

For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

God is in control and NOTHING catches Him off guard. He will hold His children through every trial and every moment of joy. And as I share my joy, I praise God for His faithfulness to Ri and to us. We met with Dr. Teske, a pediatric cardiologist at Children's Hospital in Columbus. He is considered an excellent doctor. He took a long time sharing with us what Tetrology of Fallot (TOF) really is. He had a diagram of a healthy, normal heart and then drew us a diagram of a TOF kids' heart. It amazes me how God has gifted men and women to be able to open up the chest of a person and repair a heart, especially with all the problems it appears a TOF child has. There are 4 defects to a TOF heart. 1. right ventricular hypertrophy (causes a thickening of the walls of the right ventricle) 2. pulmonary stenosis 3. overriding aorta 4. ventricular septal defect (VSD - a hole in the wall of the ventricle. With Ri, there were actually 5 defects, thus it is actually called pentrology of fallot. His fifth defect involves the left atrium. It is an atrial septal defect.

Dr. Teske was amazed at how wonderful Ri looks. When he would comment on how good he looked, he would just smile and assure us there was no concern about his health. We learned that once a TOF kid is repaired, they rarely ever need another surgery. They may need a procedure done as they get older to help with any narrowing, but rarely any further surgery. We also learned that his heart will never be perfect, no TOF kids heart will be, but it will be as good as a normal kids heart. He has absolutely no restrictions or limitations. His chance of having a heart attack is no different then any of my other children's chances. In fact, he told me if Ri has a heart attack it would be my fault for feeding him wrong and making him overweight or unhealthy :)

Based on the reports given to him from China, he is confident that Ri's surgery went well. We were suppose to have an US down on his heart, but Ri cried for a minute, maybe 2 as she put stickers on his chest and made him lay down. After telling him to stop crying and that all she wanted to do was take a picture, she looked at me and told me she couldn't do this and she would have to talk to the doctor. Then she proceeded to tell the doctor that he was out of control. Needless to say, I was not impressed with this Children's Hospital technician. But despite the lack of an ultrasound picture, Dr. Teske was able to read his chest x-ray report and read an EKG that was done on him. The EKG looked great for a TOF kid. It does not look like a normal heart EKG, but it is considered very normal for a child with TOF repair.

The result? Ri is as normal as any other child. When he has any type of dental work or invasive type procedure with metal, he will need to take antibiotics before hand. (I have to do the same thing since I have MVP). He can be just as active as other children. And we don't have to go back to the cardiologist for a year.

SO, once again, I say praise God. For some reason, God chose to bring this little boy into the world in a different way then most kids. He was born with a very serious defect to his heart. He was abandoned by his parents and forced to live in an orphanage, without a family for 2 1/2 years. He had to undergo open heart surgery and lay in a hospital for 30 days..alone. Why? Does it make sense to me? No! Will it make sense to my son? Probably not. But I know that God held him through it all. God provided the surgery for him. God orchestrated every detail to bring us to him. Maybe had he not been born with this heart defect, he would never have been our son. Only God knows the answers. And so I lean on the truth that the word of God says. God has a plan and a purpose and it is NOT to harm us. One day, Ri will face these same questions. I will not have the answers. But his heavenly Father does. It is our prayer that Ri will walk with the Lord and will find his answers at His feet.

Anytime that Ri can find something to put his little body in, he does. He cracks me up.

We have been blessed by so many people throughout the adoption of Elizabeth and Ri. Sometimes I want to share with you all the details, but often choose not to for fear that others might feel they need to do the same thing or for fear of sharing something I shouldn't. So, I have kept much between us, the Lord and the precious family or individual who God used to bless us. In this case, though, I wanted to share with you what we have done with the generous gift that Mark's coworkers gave us for Ri. We have never had a playroom for any of our kids. As we began accumulating items for the little ones and as we began to focus on my need to begin working on their "education", we started trying to figure out how to make them a playroom. This is the result. We took the room the computer is in, took out the couch and piano, put in an entertainment center with a tv/vcr for Barney, Sesame Street and the like, and began figuring out how to "decorate". With the gift from his coworkers, we were able to purchase the flooring and several wonderful books, videos, and learning tools (garage sales are priceless when it comes to little kids toys and books!). The kids absolutely love it! Even the older ones do.... Erin actually wants us to rip up her carpeting so that she can have it in her bedroom :). She cracks me up! So, this is the result. Knowing me, I am not done with it, but I wanted to post a picture or two for you to enjoy. Since this picture, I have taken down the picture that was up before and have begun placing the kids artwork up. That picture is below.

This is with some of the artwork beginning to be put up on the walls.


This is a birds eye view from our beautiful daughter, Elizabeth. She LOVES taking pictures!

What can I say... I just love this picture of my beautiful little girl.

Well, I seem to have slacked off this past week. I guess time has just gotten away from me. So, this morning, I thought that I might catch you up a bit. My good friend mentioned that she read about Elizabeth's EEG but I didn't post much about it. Sorry about that! Yes, she had an EEG done last Monday. We hope to have results this week. We are not expecting anything to show up, but the doctor was pretty insistent that we have one done. For those of you who have no idea what an EEG is, it is a test done on the brain. They are testing her to find out if her seizures truly are as a result of fevers or if there is something else going on. I am not sure if I posted how the test actually went for her, but I think I will share it again even if I did. You see, for me, it was a small miracle. Elizabeth generally freaks out when it comes to some unknowns. In this case, I figured she would freak out at just being in an exam room with things on her head. We were told that she had to be sleep deprived so that she would sleep at least 20 minutes during the test. Ha ha! How do you sleep deprive a 2 year old who has an hour drive??? And then, how on earth will my 2 year old ever sleep in an exam room with things attached to her head and in a papoose!!?????? Boy did I have a challenge ahead of me. And to top it off, I had forgotten her blanket. Ugh.

But, God is so faithful. If ever I saw the hand of God, it was during this exam. I don't mean that lightly in anyway. I am convinced that God gave me the idea to go to COSI a few hours before the exam. I have never thought of it before. So, 20 minutes after it came to my mind, we were out the door. I took the boys and Emily kept Ri for me. We went early enough in the morning so that it wasn't too difficult to keep Elizabeth awake. AND, COSI is just 5 minutes from Children's, so it was easy for me to keep her awake then too. We played hard at COSI. When we got to Children's, Elizabeth showed absolutely no sign of sleepiness. The appointment was at 2:00 which was good, because that is her general nap time. As soon as they called us in, she walked straight back... until the nurse turn to go into the room. IT was then Elizabeth started freezing up. She stopped and looked at me with a pa nick in her eyes. I figured it would be a long 2 hours. A cartoon was playing on the tv, so I distracted her a little. We found out the nurse had Barney, so once the nurse left to get it, I held Elizabeth and kept reassuring her that they would not hurt her. Then I found out she had to be strapped into a papoose. Ugh. There was no way that Elizabeth would let us do that! Well, the time had come to strap her in. Barney was playing. I told Elizabeth to lay down on the bed (papoose). She began to fight me, but I reassured her that I would lay with her. So, I laid right down with her. The nurse decided that she would try the pappoose without strapping down her arms. After some hesitation, Elizabeth laid down and relaxed with my arms laying over top of her and holding her hand. Then came the fun part. The nurse was going to glue 25 or electrodes onto her head. What do you think? Would your 2 year old lay still for that??? I was told that she would have to use a specific glue because of her age. Well, God was so good! Elizabeth was laying so still and not fighting one bit that the nurse decided to try using just the paste instead of the stronger glue. Can you believe it??.... she laid there and allowed the nurse to color on her head, wash each spot and "attach" each electrode to her head? Wow! Then she had to sleep for at least 20 minutes. Yep, you guessed it. She fell right to sleep just as the last electrode was in place. She slept for the 20-30 minutes of testing. Then she had to be woke up for the last bit so that she was awake during that. If any of you do not know, Elizabeth wakes up horrible, even when she is rested. But to give her only 30 minutes of sleep on a sleep deprived day is nuts. She was going to scream like they hadn't heard before. Yep, you guessed it again.... she opened her eyes, looked at me, looked around the room, felt her head, and then just laid still the entire time. She finished watching Barney. Then the nurse removed every wire and even washed her head. Yes, there is no doubt in my mind, it was a God thing. The nurse was amazed. She rarely ever uses the paste on 2 year olds.

So, that is the EEG. I hope to know something this week and will post it when I do. But onto today. Today, Ri has his cardiologist appointment. It has been a long awaited event for me. I will post what we find out either tonight or tomorrow. Please pray for him as he goes through the testing and that the results are good.

For those of you who are prayer warriors, please pray for our good friends. They were in the process of adopting again and discovered that they are expecting.... twins! They actually were expecting triplets, but the third baby did not survive. She is in her first trimester and the lives of the twins are in danger. She is experiencing some complications. Please pray for these precious babies.

Well, I need to begin waking kids up. It is a long day of doctor appointments. Ri and Elizabeth are both doing wonderfully. It is hard for us to believe we have only been home 5 1/2 weeks. It seems like Ri has always been with us.

Well, you just have to love this picture! Yesterday, we caught the two of them hugging on their own. First, at breakfast, they just both stopped eating and leaned over and started hugging. Then by evening, they were sitting on the floor and hugging. Erin responded to their hugging with "ahhh's" and they were thrilled! Pretty soon, they would hug and then Elizabeth would say "Erin" so that she would look and ooooh and awww at them. Ri caught on and then the 2 of them would hug and both say "Erin". It was just toooo cute!
Because Elizabeth had to have an EEG done yesterday, we had to take her to the appointment ready to sleep. I figured the only way I would be able to do that is if I took the boys with me and we went somewhere in Columbus before long before the appointment. COSI was just 5 minutes from Children's Hospital. It worked out perfect. She did not fall asleep on the way there and then she ran for 2 hours. Here is a picture of Sam and Elizabeth in the animation part of COSI. They were making a "movie" clip.
Sam was as much fun to watch "explore" COSI as Elizabeth was. I love the fact that he gets into "life". Here he is showing Elizabeth some cool things about the water.
I really don't have any great words for this shot, I just really like the way she is looking. I can only imagine what goes on in that little mind of hers!

Berry picking has become quite the routine at nights around here. Ri has been dubbed the "berry monster". Here we are just getting ready to go into the fields to pick. Both of the kids are armed with "weapons" for picking. Ri's bowl is never full simply because he eats them as fast as they are put in.


"Thanks Jacob... I needed another berry. Are there any more?"


"Well.... I guess I'll just patiently wait for more"


Ok... this picture is just priceless to me. Elizabeth and her big brother, Jacob.



Time seems to be flying by. I can not believe that we have been home for over a month now, yet at the same time it seems as if we have always had Ri. I thought I might take a moment to share with you a little about our little guys personality and where he is in his development.
In the past few weeks he has seen our family doctor, the doctor at the adoption clinic, had blood work done, had chest x-rays for his TB results, and has been evaluated by the Help Me Grow program with our county Health Department. He will see the cardiologist (finally) next week. So far, he checks out wonderfully. He is definitely small so we will be having his weight checked monthly for awhile. But, other then that and his TB test results... he is doing great!
He and Elizabeth are becoming quite the buddies. Elizabeth gets very concerned if Ri is not joining her/us during activities. It is very cute. She is often found helping Ri do something or showing him how to do it by taking his hand or his entire body and forcing him to do something. He has become quite use to her showing him the ropes. In fact, he is now picking up on just about everything she is doing. It is funny to watch him. If I could only get her to speak more clear, he would be speaking sentences! If she says something, he is very quick to repeat it to me too. He cracked me up the other day. I was washing their hair. Both of them hate the water being poured on their heads, so when I turn the water on, Elizabeth always yells "Ri, Ri, Ri". She wants me to do his hair first, hoping not to get any water on hers. Well, I did hers all the while she was yelling "Ri, Ri, Ri". As soon as I started pouring the water on his head, he started yelling "Ri, Ri, Ri". It was just too funny. I don't think he realized that it was his name he was yelling. I think he figured if he yelled it, then I would stop pouring it on his head too.
He is picking up talking much quicker then I ever expected. I figured that since we were told he only said a few words in Chinese and since I have never heard him speak even one word in Chinese, that language may be an issue for him. Well, he says a few words very well and he is beginning to repeat many words. He says "Mommy" very clearly as well as bye-bye (with a very cute wave I might add). He is saying: again, happy, Daddy, Erin, Bami (which is how Elizabeth says Sam) more frequently. He has been caught saying many other words, but doesn't use them. I figure in about a month, he will have Elizabeth's vocabulary down pat. Unfortunately, hers isn't exacting booming yet!
As far as personality, he is just too sweet. He has quite the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles. His giggles makes us all crack up. He loves being tickled and rough housed, though we are suppose to take a little easy on the rough housing until he is checked out by the cardiologist. He sleeps wonderfully; taking a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon (on schedule - wow...a first in the Miller home!) and sleeps completely through the night! He sleeps in a full size bed and has only fallen out once. He can climb up and down many things, though getting down the stairs is quite intimidating for him and he insists on holding our hands. He is now very brave with our dog, Chuck and he loves the cat. He enjoys seeing all new things, especially outside with his Daddy. He still loves Jacob, though Mommy and Daddy are making it to the top of the list (finally). He enjoys just about any play activity. He can sit for long periods at a time building blocks or playing with stacking cups. I think he enjoys those kinds of things the most. He has discovered coloring and seems to like to scribble things, unfortunately, not all things are paper. :)
He is willing to go to others, though that seems to be slowing down. He is becoming hesitant and sometimes refuses. I think that is a good sign; at least a sign of bonding with us. He LOVES eating, though he is becoming picky about what he eats. He does enjoy meats (something Elizabeth still fights me on). His favorite thing, though, is berries!!!!!
I am finally feeling a little less overwhelmed with all of the kids, more specifically TWO toddlers. I think they are feeling better with each other and even allowing me to give time to both of them. Elizabeth has definitely stopped screaming at my legs when I just look at Ri. She is even allowing me to hold him and love on him anytime I want or most of the time when Ri wants me too. The big clue was a few nights ago when I asked her not to scream when I walked out of the room so that Ri could fall asleep on his own. She just quietly laid their in bed until I came back into the room. I know that that does not sound very exciting to you all... but to me, that was HUGE! Since we brought her home, I have never been able to walk out of the room without her losing it. The moment I even thought of leaving, she would begin screaming and if I actually did... well... terror screams would erupt from her little body! So for her to just lay there and wait was incredible.
Well, my little girl is laying all alone in the other room. I think I will go have some snuggle time before my little boy wakes up.

Berry Picking... Ri discovers a new world.

We enjoyed a nice walk last night. The berries are just coming out. Picking berries is one of Elizabeth's favorite things to do and now that Ri has tasted berries... I think it has quickly become his favorite thing too! Of course, Daddy and Sam picked the berries, Elizabeth enjoyed filling the bowl and Ri just simply inhaled them!

I received an email this morning filled with many questions and thoughts. A precious friend of mine asked some serious questions about being a mom of so many kids. Well, I have thought about it a lot. I guess my biggest thought is that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had. It is the most rewarding, but definitely the most challenging. It scares me to death to think of the awesome responsibility that God has given me. There are times that I have wanted to run away. If my guilt would not overcome me, the pain of not having my children would have! As much as I wanted to run, I would have died with heartache ... knowing that I ran from the ones I loved the most; knowing that my children were without me. I remember one very tough week, when the kids were younger and I was overwhelmed with demands. I literally wanted to run away so that I wouldn't hear the word "mommy" one more time. A day filled with little ones at my feet yelling "Mommy" because their sibling was "bothering" them, and "mommy, I need ..." and "Mommy, can I?" and tears because they couldn't have something or tears because someone did something to them, and whining because they couldn't say words and whining because they were tired and... and... and... AND remembering thinking and knowing that if I DIDN'T hear the word "Mommy", my heart would be broken forever! It was a difficult time, yet looking back on it, I treasure it all.

It isn't any easier now. My 4 that whined and cried and fought and hugged me and kissed me and yelled "Mommy" and ran and played and made tons and tons of noise and curled up in my lap for books and loved to have me sing them to sleep and.. and... and..... WELL, they are growing up! They still whine and cry and fight.. but it is different now. It is a teenage whine, a teenage cry, a teenage fight. They still kiss me and hug me.. though now it may not be as public as it use to be. It may not be on a whim and just because they see me, but it still happens. The talks of bugs and the things God has made and ooeey gooeey things have now become talks about boys, life, love, growing up, and deeper things of God. The days of putting them in time out have changed to taking cell phones and IM away or other creative ideas. It isn't easier. It use to be physically draining on me.. chasing after little ones and constantly meeting their physical demands. Now... it is emotionally draining.. trying to think one step ahead of them (and boy are they sharper then me!), trying to figure out what will harm them and what is ok for them to do. Constantly weighing things out to make sure that I am not so strick as to push them away and yet strict enough to stay true to God's word. Boy is it emotionally more difficult.

And now.. I have the joy.. AND the pains, of both kinds of raising kids. I have 3 teenagers who are in full swing, one pre-teen and 2 toddlers. I am physically whiped out simply because the toddlers keep me moving and I am so much older. I am emotionally whiped out because the teenagers keep me moving AND I am so tired. BUT... when the day is done and often, even in the middle of the day, I can sit back and praise God. I can't imagine my life without even one of the kids. I wouldn't change a thing .... .except maybe ask God why He didn't give me more hours in my day and more energy :)

I treasure these precious kids. No matter how tough it is, by the grace of God alone, I will never, EVER, run away. There may be times I want to, but when I check in each of their rooms at night and I see them sleeping.... OH HOW MY HEART PITTER PATTERS WITH LOVE! Oh how they can make me melt. Oh how they can remind me of God's love for me and God's ever present grace!

I thought about this picture yesterday and something came to my mind. On Sunday, we had 4 precious little children who were all adopted from China. It was neat to see them all together. The girls were all from the same orphanage and all adopted at the same time. Ri was just brought "home". All 4 are within 3 weeks of age. All that was pretty cool to think about... but my mind went a little further. Here are 4 kids whose lives were drastically changed. What would have happened if they had not been adopted? Where would all 4 of these kids be right now. More importantly, where would they be in 16 years when they turned 18? And even more importantly, where would they be when they die? No.. there is no guarantee where they will be when they die. Just because they were adopted into Christian homes doesn't mean they will be children of God... but... they will be given the gospel and will be raised knowing who Christ is and what God has done for them. So, I began thinking about how these precious little lives have been effected through adoption. But, you know me, I didn't stop there. I realized that it isn't just their lives that have been changed for the better. These 4 children have impacted the lives of so many people.

Their adoption has not just changed their lives, but it has changed the lives of each of our families forever. So many people say that they are lucky or blessed to have been adopted into our families... but I say that we are the ones who have been blessed. I look at these four and am in awe of God and what He has done for us through them. I look and am humbled that He would give us the chance to raise them, the chance to love them, the chance to learn from them.

It is strange how God works sometimes. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that we would form a bond so close to a family that we met in China and only spent 2 weeks with. It is amazing to me how God can form the bonds that are so strong. We have throughougly enjoyed spending a week with our dear friends. We will miss there very much. They are truly an amazing family. We have learned so much about life just by spending time with them. THey are loving, fun, easy going, generous, thoughtful, ... truly an incredible family! They are salt of the earth. This week has been so precious to me. It was great to really get to know the kids. Samatha is a beautiful young lady with a beautiful heart. She is real treasure. She is bright, vibrant, funny, and she loves the little ones with all of her heart. Noah is full of energy, excited about life, and a true boy with a love for nature. He is a joy to watch. Faith is incredibly bright and full of personality. SHe is sweet and never forgets her manners. It was fun watching her