I am not quite sure if graduation has finally gotten to me or if life is getting me down; but this week I am fighting with moments that seem to get me down. I thank God for His faithfulness and His promises. When I turn my eyes towards Jesus Christ, peace always returns. It's when I truly focus on God and what the word of God says, I can pull myself out of those blue moments.

The bible teaches that we should not have a spirit of fear: "Now we did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear." (Romans 8:15). When we adopted Ri, I experienced that bondage to fear. It grabbed ahold of me and ruled me life. It took more then a year to get back to walking with God in an intimate way. It is scary how a spirit of fear can destroy your life. It effects so many things. It would be easy to allow that same feeling to overwhelm me again, but by God's grace.. I feel at peace. I know who is on the throne and who is in control.

Our country today is not the country we once were. It is not the country I have dreamt for my children to live in. I do fear what my kids will face and what my grand kids will have to deal with. God has been removed and sin has replaced Him. My heart aches. I watch our country go more and more in debt and watch our president.... whom the people chose.... make choices that terrify me. Maybe he should not terrify me and maybe he is a good man; but it terrifies me that the media worships him.... that ANYONE worships him. I have seen our president referred to as the Messiah and a Savior. I can not express to you how deeply that sickens me. There is only one Messiah and one Savior and that is Jesus Christ. I have read articles of people being arrested because of having bible studies in their home. I have read that it will be law that if a preacher or someone speaks against homosexuality, they could be arrested. I have watched our school board make a stand against God and spend over $308,000 on a hearing because they want to fire a man who had a bible on his desk and who is known as a man of God; who supposedly answered a child who asked what Easter was, who put up the ten commandments on his wall, and who taught the kids that evolution was not a fact, but a theory. I have watched my kids have to face homosexuality in many of their friends. One of my kids found themselves amongst friends who were talking about whether they would be ok if their kids wanted to be homosexual. One in the group is gay and proudly proclaims that he is a Christian. Evidently, he believes that being a christian is loving and accepting others. All were very ok with their children becoming homosexual. Talk about peer pressure! I dare not try to count the number of friends that my kids know who are having sex; it breaks my heart.

Now I dare to say that I might step on toes that I honestly don't mean to step on. I know and love families who have homeschooled their kids throughout school. Many of their kids are absolutely wonderful and very, very grounded in the word of God. Some do a wonderful job at being "in the world" as God commands us to be. But there are some families who have separated themselves so much from "sinners" that the only interaction they have is with Christians. I am against that completely....but I am struggling with my feelings and emotions. I STRONGLY believe that we must be in the world; Jesus did not hang out with those who lived and obeyed the law. No, Jesus was always found amongst the lost. So, my question and struggle is: How do we raised our kids today? Do we teach them the truth and pray for protection and then watch/ allow them to be constantly taught by their friends and classroom that the things we have taught them are ignorant. Do we equip them and trust that God will protect them? Or do we pull them out completely from the world and not allow them to be exposed to the things that are going on in the world?

I thought i knew the answer. Now, as I watch the morals of this world becoming attached to my children; as I watch them become desensitized to some sin, I ache an ache that just won't go away. I struggle with where I went wrong and decisions that I have made. I ache as I feel like I have lost control. Where... or maybe how is a better word... How do I determine when God wants us to be in the world and when it is better to pull them out of the things they are facing and protect them?

And so this week, I have really struggled. My heart aches beyond what I thought it could. Maybe it is fear, but I think it is more just heartache; knowing what my kids face and how I believe things are only going to get worse. The bible teaches that before Christ returns, it will be like the days of Noah. I can't help but think about the fact there were only 8 people righteous enough to enter the boat. That tells me that the sins of today are only going to deteriorate even more.